Sometimes we develop certain habits which are difficult to break. This is because some of these habits are related to our intrinsic issues with poor self-esteem. But that is not all – we also empower these habits because they appear to be noble, even though they make us unhappy.
One such habit is trying to help others to the point that you put your own happiness at hold. The result is that you end up being sadder in the process.
When you are not happy and don’t feel very good about your own self, you go out of the way to make others happy. By making them happy, you gain their approval and try to gain some amount of value in your life. But to become a savior, you forget your own needs in the process.
While you’re trying to make room for the needs of others, you are purposefully dismissing your own needs and making valuable sacrifices. While you may believe that this makes you really happy, it does not really do so. The more you sacrifice, the sadder your turn out to be. You put in all the efforts for the well-being of others and, in the process, you drain all your energy that you were supposed to put in yourself. And all of this is just a way to put your self-worth in someone else’s hand.
You want their approval and, if somehow, someone does not give you that approval, you are shattered. You did so much for nothing. This is a pattern that just shows that you are living a life with poor self-esteem and you are trying to be valuable in someone else’s life. You have this stern belief that you have made someone really happy.
Being empathetic is good, but when you become co-dependent, you end up hurting yourself. You want to get your feeling validated and so you do a lot more than you are supposed to do. The result is that you end up living the life of others and forget that you have a life of your own. You are busy solving the problems of others, while your own problems continue to pile up on your desk.
You are competing for their acceptance, while you cannot accept your own self. Everything that you do for others, you are doing at a cost. You are negating all your opportunities and your wants, compromising and sacrificing, so that you can feel fulfilled by the life of someone else. But this way of fulfilment is just so wrong. You will not find any kind of happiness when you are living the life of others.
The happiness that you find will always be a kind of borrowed happiness coming from outside. The thing that you actually require is happiness that you have formed within yourself. You have to accept yourself for that. You have to stop making excuses for others and stop destroying your own chances. Start by feeling good about yourself.
These are some of the tips that you could follow to take care of yourself:
1. Focus on your needs and prioritize them. Don’t put others happiness on top – rather, start putting your own happiness at the forefront.
2. You may be a people-pleaser who is always saying ‘yes’ to everything. Set boundaries and start saying ‘No’ to others.
3. Your mind and body have needs that you need to listen to. Your own needs have to be fulfilled first.
4. You have the right to be happy. You deserve it as much as anybody else.
5. You have to be assertive. Have limits, develop boundaries, and be assertive when you deny someone something.
6. Be kind to your own self and nurture yourself.
7. Your mistakes can teach you a lot, but you have to learn from it and not be sad about it.
8. Don’t be negative. Try to turn negativity into positive self-talk.
9. Take care of your own self and make time for yourself. Buy thing for yourself if you want to.
10. What are your goals? What are the most important things to you? Develop a list and try to follow it. Don’t let anything distract you.
11. Have trust in yourself and, if someone says that you are not worthy enough, don’t believe them. Let your trust guide you.
12. You are not responsible for other people. Believe in that.
13. Stop apologizing for something you haven’t done.
14. Be responsible for your feelings, not for someone else’s.
15. Don’t think about others and what they think about you. Be your own person.
16. Do not let your inner critic take control of you. It will kill your self-belief.
17. Start sorting out your life and plan forward. Write a diary of affirmations if you have to.
18. Commit yourself to self-acceptance and self-love.
By following these tips, you can slowly become a person whom you love. But remember, commitment is everything. Don’t let anything distract you.
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