Narcissists are difficult partners because of their complicated and toxic behavior. The truth is that it’s not them who are to be blamed for it, but the trauma they may have undergone, in most cases during their childhood which is not easily traceable or treatable.
As a consequence, such people select a partner that fulfills their need of a father/mother. The void formed during childhood is sought to be filled up through these relationships.
But the narcissist doesn’t receive this fulfillment. Consequently, they victimize their partner in a similar manner in which they had experienced it during their childhood. This becomes a continuous cycle until the victim breaks off to focus on self-healing.
The best weapon that narcissists use on their victims is isolation and defenselessness. They inject these thoughts in their victims’ mind until it seems like a reality to them. Narcissists try to make their victims feel a certain way in order to keep them isolated and defenseless.
For the victims to heal from these kinds of relationships, it’s important for them to know that their partner has artificially created these feelings of self-doubt. They need to recognize the prison-like relationship that they’re a part of.
The
most common feelings witnessed are:
1. Disgrace
The best way to defend shame and disgrace is grandiose and superiority. They reflect the opposite of shame and inflict the same on others. They usually pick someone close to them, someone who’s dependent on them, who they can easily victimize. This person is then subjected to shame and inadequacy, and hence unworthy of affection.
2. Self-reproach
Manipulation is the most common method employed by narcissists to instill guilt in their target. It helps protect their superiority in the relationship.
By convincing the person that the misbehavior they’re subjected to is their own doing, narcissists justify their acts. Gradually, the victim starts believing their so-called faults and fall into frequent guilt trips.
3. Self-loathing
Once the
narcissists have generated a sense of inferiority in their victims, they start provoking
a sense of self-doubt in them. By not acknowledging other’s beliefs, opinions,
and expressions, narcissists confuse their victim with uncertainty about
themselves.
In
order to reach this stage, narcissists gaslight their victim and subject them
to emotional/verbal abuse, cold treatment, worldly lectures, etc.
4. Co-dependency
Every narcissist
is a dependent person but they inverse the situation by making their victim
dependent on them. They develop a sense that their subject is devoid of
self-dependency.
They often use phrases like “you’re so dependent on me”, “let’s see what you will do when I’m not around” and soothe the insecurity generated with their presence, which makes their victims more dependent on them.
5. Rage
They like
control on their relationship and create a domination/submission equation with
their partner. Prompting their partner to react to certain situations, and then
pushing them back into submission is their way of regulating the relationship.
Narcissists
have unresolved issues that surface every now and then which they direct at
their victim and thus find their temporary catharsis through it.
6. Meticulousness
Perfection is one of the traits that narcissists show, which is largely their way of manifesting incompatible behavior. They can neither accept themselves nor the world the way it is. As a consequence, they’re impatient, destructive, and critical of everything, including their victim.
The moment their victim realizes this demand, they try aiming at being perfect so that they receive acknowledgement and approval from their narcissistic partner.
You should also read: 12 Signs A Narcissist Is Playing Mind Games With Your Mind
7. Low self-worth
Narcissists target
their victim’s self-worth to make him/her more submissive. Their ego pushes
their partner into complete compliance and all-rounded dependency (financial,
emotional, and rational).
Until
the victim gets out of the toxicity of the relationship, the submission doesn’t
end.
8. The feeling that “something’s not right”
Because
narcissists do not care about their victim’s state of mind, and continuously
subject the person to sadness, confusion, and hopelessness, their partner is
always insecure.
The
void gets bigger and darker with time and the constant feeling of “something is
not right” haunts their victim. And if it is shared with the narcissist, it’s
snubbed by blaming the victim for being the cause of the uneasiness.
9. Worthlessness
Narcissist
partners can completely drain a person into a state of nothingness. Sadly, this
feeling of weariness only further makes the victim static in the relationship
and increases the sense of hopelessness in him/her.
It’s very difficult to move away from a narcissist because the issues are related to the person’s childhood, but once it’s broken, it definitely worth it. The victim can breathe life into themselves again.
It’s
important to know the way in which a narcissist will drive you towards a toxic
relationship by understanding their emotional projections.
If
you’ve been frequently subjected to similar emotional states of mind then
perhaps its time to pause and question the source. And if it’s a romantic
presence that’s subjecting you to it, mark the signs, both obvious and covert.
However, if you’re already involved in a relationship with a narcissist, a quick exit and no contact is the best way out of the situation.
