Friendships, especially genuine ones, are hard to come by. People in today’s world are more selfish and competitive and most of the time, people fail to make the necessary amount of connection with each other to actually develop a lasting camaraderie.
Times have changed. People lack the necessary patience to develop friendships and the normal resilience to deal with people in general. True friendships hence are rare.
On the contrary, false ones are common and all around. Worst case, they are insidious enough to not be noticed. This is because it is a competitive world and people rarely find it in themselves to not screw others over. Besides, most of us are too insecure to not let go of friends who aren’t exactly healthy for us.
Here’s a list of 12 signs that might help you let some of your more toxic comrades go:
Your friendship exists only when it suits them and not the other way around. Your friendship depends on how much you can help further their cause. There are hidden agendas and betrayals just around the corner.
2. Being two-faced
Your friend behaves differently with you when others are around and differently when it’s just the two of you. Normally, they resemble what one would call caring and kind, but in public, they subtle jibe at you and take shots at you, disagree with you and put you down. This is because they feel threatened by you and must put you down in order to feel better about themselves.
The most cowardly thing you can face is this. This is basically them talking smack behind your back. And more often than not, they talk smack about others behind their backs to you. That is the first sign. If they can do this to others, who is to say they aren’t doing it with you.
4. Communication breakdown
Whenever things go south, the ideal is to talk it out and settle your differences amicably. You are friends after all. It’s not a contest. But if your friendship is not real, you’ll find them disagreeing with you and immediately cutting off conversation. In worst cases, they will cut you off from their lives. This is because they just needed an excuse to do that.
After their ends are met, they simply replace you with the next more interesting person. They simply pretend nothing has happened and start hanging out with them more, slowly relegating you to so many “tomorrows” and “next week”. Your function in their life has been fulfilled and hence now, your time is up.
6. They are constantly making demands
This can range from anything from small favors to in the worst cases, sex. They guilt trip you if you refuse and make your life hell. And you being you would end up, more often than not, agreeing and giving them what they want, even if it wrecks you.
7. In case you refuse
Just in case, if you put a rock on your heart, and your foot down, remember you are in for a ride. The guilt trips will come first and then the grievances. They will bring out every single thing you ever did and use it against you. In worst cases, this might include blackmail of various degrees. Summary of the chapter: they will end their friendship with you. If you don’t meet their demands, it is over.
8. They do not inspire you
Real friendships make better people out of you. They inspire you to do better and achieve higher goals. That’s the Greek ideal too, perpetuated in writings of Aristotle and Plato. But not your fake friends. They will make sure to subtly make you feel worse about yourself and to keep you down. This helps them keep a tab on you.
Must read article: 8 Differences Between Genuine and Fake People
9. They only care about themselves
According to them, no one has ever had it worse than them. And as a result the world, by which they mean you, owes them. Big time.
10. They never focus
On what you are saying. This is because they simply do not care as long as you focus on what they are saying. That’s what they are with you for. (Duh)
11. They take your hesitation very hard
At least they pretend to, as long as it gets you to agree with them and do what they want.
12. They are always asking you to change
They want you to change into what they want you to be. They can never accept you for what you are because that version of you is better than they are, and that makes them feel threatened.
Start a Better Life Right Now by Reading:
- You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
- Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change