Love is definitely hard to find and, once you find it, you better nurture it. Relationships can be a lot of work, especially if you are blinded by love.
There are things people fail to notice in the initial phase of the relationship which build up later, there are different expectations from different people, there are also things that you do not put much thought into but should….all these things can break a bond. It is important for you to get a reality check as to what are things you must not forget:
1. Choice Matters
One of the most common mistake girls make is settling for the wrong guy. You shouldn’t be casually dating people if you want long lasting and happy relationship, instead of passionate flings. You need to get your priorities straight. Your vibe will attract your tribe. Stop wasting your precious time on people who aren’t worth it, don’t think you can change someone. You need a partner and not a project that’ll suck the soul right out of you. You may think you can “mold” a person, but you can’t and, most importantly, shouldn’t. Love must be unconditional so choose wisely.
2. Love Isn’t A Bed Of Roses
“There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you wanna struggle with.”
This dialogue from Before We Go sums up the truth of a relationship. Nobody can be perfect, they will have their quirks and idiosyncrasies…you need to find which fits you perfectly. Love won’t be an elixir, but you can prevent it from becoming poison. Don’t be a mess and hope love will cure your deep seated insecurities, enhance your self worth and do away with your fears – it won’t, but it will definitely add meaning to your life if it’s healthy.
Only love isn’t enough. Both the partners should have the same emotional maturity, similar priorities and the timing too must be right for both. Love isn’t a fairy-tale, it requires hard work.
3. You’re Not Perfect
Truth bomb: if you have been single for quite some time, it is because you haven’t come across a genuine guy or because you’re not ready yet. Obviously no one is flawless but you must analyse your faults before finding it in others. Evolve and become the best version of yourself.
4. Use Time Judiciously
So we all have regrets about giving too much time to unimportant and undeserving people, right? All along we can see that the person is commitment phobic, or unappreciative, or may be a cheater, but we have that ounce of hope that he’ll change, or worse, you can change him by bettering yourself. Girl, you know it doesn’t work that way. Step out of a relationship that treats you like trash and invest in yourself instead.
5. Mistakes Are Okay
So it’s time for another truth bomb: you can’t expect the world from a man. Often we’re so caught up in the world sprinkled with pixie dust that we expect a prince charming and get a tin foil wrapped man-child. The point is, you will make mistakes because people wear masks but you also need to learn from them. You can’t just say “men are all the same” or “the universe is against me”; you have to find out where you’re going wrong.
6. Love Yourself
The way you treat yourself will show others how they should be treating you. So many women are stuck in abusive relationships, both physical and mental, and are afraid to step out, not because all relationships are the same, good men are scarce or that problems are bound to be there, but they don’t value themselves enough. You need to love yourself before you love someone else, or else they’ll project their shortcomings onto you.
7. Don’t Chase Anyone
Chasing may work for some but mostly people who want to be chased are extremely needy. A person who’s willing to be in your life won’t want you to chase them, but instead they’ll put in as much effort as you do.
You should also read: 7 Important Relationship Tips Couples Always Forget
8. Love Can’t Be The Same
Okay, so this is extremely patriarchal but that’s how men think: they want to win. They want to feel appreciated for being themselves and giving what they can. Most men want to end a relationship because they feel their partner is “difficult to please”. Now ladies, it is definitely okay to have high standards but also know that you should appreciate genuine efforts. Small things like a compliment here and a smile there can have long term effects.
9. Wanton Men And Weird Turn Offs
I came across this quote and honesty is important: “We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Over thinking, fantasizing, imagining, expecting, worrying, doubting. Just let it naturally evolve.”
Sometimes we don’t know what we want and what to expect from someone, so just go with the flow. Men have weird reasons for not liking someone and it’s not always physical, so don’t take things to the heart and move on.
10. Communication Is The Key
Do you feel like you’re talking to a wall? It may be because of the way you say things that they go unnoticed. It’s really not about what you say as much as saying it the correct way. Obviously you need to be honest with your partner but that doesn’t mean you have to hurt them while explaining. Communication is crucial for any relationship.
Image was originally taken by an incredible photographer Sean Archer