It is not that it is always a bad idea but most of the time, it kind of is.
When you go back to a relationship that has already ended, you start to believe the following lies:
1. “Things will be different”
Well, nothing stays the same but that does not mean that change is always positive. It will probably be even worse and that is not a difference you want to invest in. Even research says that most people reunite with past partners because they like remembering, not because they actually want and appreciate change.
2. “He has changed”
Look, he is a guy. He is still the person he was. Even if you leave aside the fact that he is a guy, is he really the kind of person who is willing to work on himself just for you? Is he really that dedicated? If he was, you would still be with him, would you not?
3. “I know him the best”
No one is denying that you do, but is that really desirable in a relationship? Do you not want to be surprised sometimes? It would get boring. Being with a person romantically is quite the feat anyway, having them up in your space and business all the time. Least you can do is find someone new and interesting, and not to be pedantic, but someone you didn’t break up with before.
4. “Will I find someone better”
Just because one rotten egg is a bit less rotten than the rest of the rotten eggs, should you eat that slightly less-rotten egg?
No! Definitely not.
Chances are no, you wouldn’t find someone better, but at the same time, there is a slim and shady possibility that yeah, you might.
So, go for the gamble. Do not go for the rotten egg. It’s literally rotten.
5. “At least he is mine”
The human brain emphasises losses more than wins. So, go on and ask yourself a very crucial question: do you want to be stuck with a rotten egg just because it is “yours” and you find some semblance of control in that fact, or do you want to date someone constructive and nice and for a change, one who is not rotten at all?
6. “It is better than getting hitched via a dating app, no?”
Well, no. In a way, going out of your way in order to meet new people can make your personality grow and mature more. And having said that, not all dating websites/apps encounters are bad. Statistics say that around 17% of all American marriages over the past year have been dating app-related.
7. “We will see where this goes. We are friends for now”
No, you are not. Friendships thrive on trust and love; and they are destroyed by distrust, which is kind of the ruling virtue in the relationship you have with an ex.
Also, research suggests that mental disorders are foreshadowed by such affinities towards such friendships.
8. The post-drink phenomenon
Everyone does it, according to statistics: that is, sleep with their exes after they meet for a drink or two. As a matter of fact, there is an exact number too: 43% of women and 47% of men. So, no, you aren’t special and neither are you going to be the last one doing it.
So, tell yourself it is a mistake and move the hell on.
9. You aren’t Meryl Streep
You are not perfect. You made a mistake once. The only thing that you might do wrong is to go ahead and do it again; literally a mistake ‘you already did once’.
You shouldn’t ‘do’ it again. If you know what I mean!
Just accept that you aren’t right for each other. You should move on with the knowledge that you and him/her will probably find someone more suited to their needs later in life.
10. “He/she wouldn’t leave me alone”
Yes, you might feel a magnanimous sense of control when he/she calls, visits, texts more than usual, thinking that you are unforgettable. But, that is just their loneliness talking. Not their love, which was probably never there.