After months of studies, scientists have found that people who befriend their exes are likely to be either narcissists or psychopaths. So now you know that your decision of parting ways with them was right and why they suddenly land up in your DM once a month or more.
We’ve often seen this image rotating around the internet that says something like ‘if you are friends with your ex even after breaking up, either you never loved them or you still do’.
However, psychologists would like to differ. Studies have found that people who like to befriend their exes have dark personality traits like narcissism, trust issues etc. They would also have psychopath tendencies. They can’t be completely trusted and would make bad friends. They will always have less consideration for your feelings as a person and won’t ever live up to the standards of a good friend. The only thing they will be in your life is an additional name in the list of people you have to pretend in front of.
Oakland University researchers Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling asked 860 subjects to list the reasons of their involvement with their exes. In a research conducted by Daily Mail, people who choose to pick the option of post breakup friendships were said to be narcissists in nature. To confirm the results, they were also asked if they were past lovers too. People who preferred staying friends with their exes were also the ones who believed in short term relationships.
On being further questioned, while some said that maintaining relationships with their ex would secure emotional stability and are trustworthy; others clearly said that the motive was completely sexual and practical in nature. This is part of their dark nature which makes them inconsiderate towards the other person’s emotions and well being.
The narcissism expert, Dr. Tony Ferretti, further went ahead and explained why people with dark personality traits, especially narcissists, like to maintain a sexual or friendly relationships with their ex.
In an interview he stated that narcissists cannot bare the load of being bumped. It hurts their ego. They believe in holding on to the last bits of their past in-spite of ill-treating it previously, when they had it. They try to make it look like it’s just them trying to be a better and bigger person, but in reality it’s just them not wanting to accept the fact that they lost someone who was truly all about loving them.
They will only try to maintain this friendship when it’s not them who made the decision to part ways. If it was their call to break up, then be sure that they definitely won’t even make an effort to apologize or even establish friendly relationship with you.
Dr Ferretti also said, “They can experience narcissistic injury when rejected by a partner and have difficulties letting it go or healing from it.”
Romantic relationships are considered to be good for our overall health. According to Dr Ferretti, romantic relationships can benefit our bodies and mind. Romantic relationships increase the possibility of sexual and emotional intimacy which is good for humans. It also makes a person more happy and sociable; whereas staying alone can make a person perpetually secluded and distant from other people.
People are likely to become anti-socials if they don’t have a romantic engagement in their lives. Dr Ferretti mentioned that “People who are in close, healthy relationships are typically more physically active, more socially connected, live longer, and are physically healthier,” whereas people who do not have a partner are more likely to incline towards drinking and smoking habits.
Another reason why narcissists like keeping their exes close is that they cannot see them with someone new. They treat their exes with objectivity and believe they have a right on them. Maybe because their exes add glamour to their social image. Dr Ferretti agrees with the study by Mogilski and Welling, which mentions that narcissists also use relationships for their personal benefits which are sometimes, materialistic in nature.
Top 3 Books about Narcissits you Must Read:
- Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People
- Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
- Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers