We have all been there and done that: had a crush. That utterly childish high-school feeling of butterflies fluttering in your tummy and a hot lump of coal down your throat when you see him/her passing; gold isn’t it?
Suppose, and this too is pretty common, you are in a long-term relationship or even married, and very much in love, but develop a crush on someone. It doesn’t even have to be serious, but immediately gives you a feeling of having indulged in something sinful, doesn’t it?
The question is, does developing a crush while being in a long-term relationship makes you a terrible human being?
Well, the way you act on it definitely makes it easy to classify you into either one of the two categories: cheater or not.
So what does one do when faced with a situation like this? It is pretty common and, more often than not, it will not be under your own will to control the crush.
So, if you’re in a relationship but like someone else, what do you do?
Well, like every fingerprint out there, every relationship and every situation is different when it comes to something as sensitive as this.
Here are eight ways in which you can deal with this:
1. Allow it to be a fantasy for you
“Yes, I was in a happy long term relationship so I was kind of confused by it. I mostly allowed it to be a fantasy but I monitored myself closely to make sure I didn’t take any actions for it to become more than that. It mostly passed after a few months.”
2. Joke about it with your spouse
“I get crushes all the time and I’m married.
They are just crushes…they can be intense, they can be playful, they can be silly, but they are just crushes…unrequited attraction. I actually joke about them with my spouse.”
3. If it is that intense, break up before you hurt your partner more later (for monogamous couples)
“Yep. Broke up with my boyfriend (for various reasons not just this) then acted upon said crush.”
“Yes. I ended up cheating the person I was seriously involved with. It wasn’t worth it.”
5. Consider reevaluating your current relationship
“I was already kind of over my SO at the time. When I got a serious crush on another guy, I realized my relationship was fully over and broke up with him. Not for the other person, but to figure out what I really wanted and to take time for myself, since I obviously wasn’t happy. It worked out well. Stayed single for a couple years then met a wonderful man who I’m absolutely happy to share a home and life with.”
6. Take some alone time
“I ended my relationship to give myself space and time to see if what I was feeling for the other person was worth pursuing. Either way, being seriously interested in someone else meant that the relationship I was already in had to end.”
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7. Give it time
“I had a crush on a guy since high school, so for over 15 years. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, all while having a crush on him. I never acted on it and then it just went away one day. The crush was an idea of who the person was. I wasn’t actually in love with them. The more I got to know my crush, the less of a crush I had on them. The longer I’ve been with my husband, the more my love for him grows. I would never give up the love that I have to see where a crush could lead.”
8. Accept the situation
“I had a crush on a friend for years. I met him through mutual friends when we were both single, but his ex begged for him back after our first date.
Thanks to lack of closure, my crush lasted 3 years, and even throughout a multi-year relationship with a guy (who was a major manipulative jerk that cheated on me). But I never acted on it. Eventually, he and his girlfriend broke up, but I was still dwelling on my poop relationship. Then he moved away.”
Please take note of the fact that these problems that have been laid out here are by people sticking to monogamy. All of you who are in favor of open relationships can definitely explore that area, with the consent of your partner. A happy relationship has no boundaries!
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