Off The Record
My Ex Tried To Take Full Custody Of Our Children — But He Didn’t Expect What Came Next
I was concerned that my ex-husband’s wealth and fabricated “perfect dad” persona would influence our kids and the judge’s ruling when he sought full custody. However, the courtroom fell silent as our daughter told what she had heard him plot for her and her younger brother.
I recently went through the most heartbreaking custody hearing of my life, and I’m 35. I found out about my husband Daniel’s affair two years ago.
It was the age-old tale of my discovering lipstick marks on his shirt that he claimed were ketchup after he spent far too many late hours at “work.”
At first, I was in denial, especially since I would have to start over financially if I were to divorce him.
However, after months of this, I eventually found the strength to leave with my children, Jack, who was only five years old at the time, and Emily, who was eight.
It seemed like drowning to start again in a smaller flat. Being a working, single mother is something no one can prepare you for.
I had to get ready for work, make lunches, and get the kids ready for school in the early hours of the morning.
After dropping them off, I made my way to my office in heavy morning traffic. At precisely 5 p.m., I was rushing out the door to collect them from their after-school activities.
Getting kids to bed and doing their homework took up my nights.
In the meantime, I spent my weekends and every other day off attending PTA meetings, a dentist appointment, or a daunting assignment.
By the way, we never talked about alimony or child support, therefore I was responsible for all of this.
During this period, Daniel wasn’t entirely absent. Custody had been divided between us. All he was, however, was the “fun dad.”
On Instagram, he would boast about being the “#BestDadEver” and buy them anything they wanted, including Disneyland tickets, perhaps one weekend a month.
Emily and Jack would be exhausted, irritable, and reluctant to complete the homework they started on Friday by Sunday.
Weeks would pass before Daniel’s next significant outing with them. He was indifferent to their health, grades, or anything else that was really important. Furthermore, he never offered to assist with costs.
I reminded myself that he was funding travel and presents. Therefore, that was sufficient for our new normal.
Nevertheless, he applied for full custody a few months ago. The assertions in the official documents, which arrived early one morning, made my blood boil.
I was being portrayed by Daniel’s attorneys as “unstable,” “too emotional,” and “unable to provide the lifestyle the children deserved.”
He snapped photos of my new flat, complete with all the furnishings I got from thrift stores. On Friday nights, when I was a complete disaster and trying to get the kids ready for a weekend with their dad, he also shot pictures of me.
I didn’t know. However, he had, and the petition included those pictures as proof. I saw between the lines that a judge might not.
In reality, Daniel was saying that I couldn’t purchase their affection the way he did, using money and technology.
We had a terrible time in the weeks before our court appearance. When Emily was eleven years old, Daniel got her the newest iPhone with every accessory imaginable.
Jack, who is now seven years old, received a brand-new PS5 loaded with games.
He would say, “I love you kids so much,” as soon as he dropped off their gifts, leaving me to do things like set up my daughter’s new phone and install the game system.
Each time, the frequency and sophistication of the weekend excursions increased. Daniel would occasionally even hire a limousine to take them anywhere.
They ate dinner at fancy restaurants, and he never said no to the children.
They were excited, of course. Who wouldn’t be?
And the evening before our court date was the high point. The puppy, a Golden Retriever, had a large red bow around its neck.
Even though I was a dog lover, he was forcing me to take on yet another duty.
When he believed I couldn’t hear, he whispered to Emily and Jack, “This is just the beginning of what you’ll get if you choose me,” and then he left.
To be honest, I didn’t mind the extra responsibilities or the gifts. I’ve always wished for my children to have a dog and all the other things they desire.
But I was really afraid by that point. According to my attorney Andrea, he had a chance to win due of his wealth and the generosity he had shown them since their split.
The judge would also listen to the children. I had told them that, and no matter how much I wanted to say, I never once attempted to sway their decision. I was superior to that.
We therefore showed up for our appointment early on the morning of our hearing. I tried my best to look presentable, and the kids looked flawless.
Andrea gave me a reassuring grin, but I could tell she was anxious.
A few minutes later, Daniel walked in in a pricey, fitted suit, followed by a group of lawyers who looked like they belonged on television.
As we waited outside the courtroom, he urged, “Sarah, don’t take it personally, no matter what happens today.” “You just can’t keep up with me, and the kids know it.”
The procedure started as soon as we were summoned inside. His crew produced numerous pictures of the children spending time with their father.
As they traveled to new places, Emily and Jack were constantly beaming with their new possessions.
My hopes further diminished when the judge, a severe-looking man in his 60s, nodded at a couple of the photos.
“See, Your Honor?” “Smooth,” one of Daniel’s attorneys commented. “Observe how joyful they are. Opportunities and experiences that my client can offer are just not available in their ugh ugh ugh current circumstances.”
Even though they had a compelling case, my lawyer stood up and explained our position as well as everything I had done to support my kids over the previous two years, even though I was by myself and had to return to work.
I allowed Andrea to talk about his infidelity, carelessness, nonpayment of child support, and other issues, even though I didn’t want to rehash the past.
As she concluded our case, she stated, “The fact is this, Your Honor,” “For children to flourish, they require more than just money, vacations, and presents. They require everything that may not always be ostentatious or even pleasant. The tough parent is what they need. Jack and Emily are in need of their mother.”
I noticed that Daniel was still grinning as Andrea looked back down next to me. He was aware that he had this under control.
After that, the court stated, “I would like to hear from the kids now.”
I gave Emily a supportive grin as I gazed at her. I muttered, “I will always be there, regardless of what you say or who you choose to stay with.” I cherish you both.
Standing in front of the judge, my courageous girl grinned. Gentlely, “Take your time, young lady,” he urged. “Speak only what you feel is true.”
She spoke, “Your Honor,” first. “You have to know the truth about our dad.”
I scowled, and Daniel’s lawyers murmured something.
But Emily didn’t notice and went on. “Dad said he doesn’t even want us to his girlfriend. On the phone, I heard him. Grandma will give him her mansion and millions since all he needs is us. In order to avoid having to cope with us, he is then sending us to boarding school.”
There was complete silence in the courtroom.
My daughter persisted in saying, “He promised me a car when I turn 16 if I said I wanted to live with him,” “He suggested that if we behaved well today, we could have anything we desired. As evidence of that, he gave us a puppy yesterday.”
At that moment, Jack made the decision to get up and join his sister. “He also said we wouldn’t have to see our ‘boring’ Mom anymore if we picked him,” he stated, quoting air. “That she wouldn’t bother us with her rules anymore.”
“Objection,” said one of Daniel’s lawyers. “These children have obviously been coached —”
“No,” the judge said, holding out his hand while continuing to face Emily and Jack. “Did anyone tell you to say that?”
Before Emily continued, my kids all responded, “No,” “Mom told us to say what was in our hearts, and that she loved us no matter who we picked.”
“So,” the judge said with a nod. “Who do you want to live with?”
“We adore our father. We enjoy Disney and presents,” Jack replied. “But I pick Mom.”
“Me too.”
As the judge turned to face my ex-husband, I released the breath I was unaware I was holding. “This court does not accept bribery, manipulation, or using children as leverage to obtain financial advantage, sir. Your actions are abhorrent.”
Daniel made an effort to get better. “Your Honor, kids get things wrong. They—”
The judge said, “No, I’ve heard enough,” and shook his head. “Full custody will remain with their mother with some visitation, but we need to make sure there’s proper child support and alimony set in place…”
I held my babies’ hands outside the courthouse and tried not to cry. “Mom, did I do the right thing?” Emily whispered. I do not wish for him to despise me.
“Sweetheart, you were braver in there than most adults I’ve ever known,” I said to her. “You told the truth, and that’s always right.”
I then gave them a bear embrace that lasted till it began to rain and we had to head quickly to the car.
The good news didn’t end there, though. Daniel’s family learned of Emily’s revelations a few days after the hearing.
His affluent mother, a traditional Southern woman who placed a high importance on appearances, was appalled by his behavior and the humiliation he caused to the public.
Daniel’s inheritance vanished in a month after he was formally cut off. Half of it would go to charity, while the other half would go into Emily and Jack’s trust funds.
He couldn’t sue for more because he would only receive a nominal sum. One of his cousins, who was unaware that we had even split up, told me this.
After paying for his custody attorneys and everything he owed me, Daniel was unable to make the mortgage payments on our previous large home. Naturally, as soon as the money stopped coming in, his lover left.
In addition, he attempted to reclaim Jack’s PS5 and had to sell his new vehicle. I refused to let it.
Everything he had previously given my kids, including the pet Lucky, was theirs to keep.
To be honest, I hope he works things out and begins showing up again soon because he has only seen them once or twice in the past few months. My kids miss him.
He was wrong to utilize them. That is not the kind of parent they deserve. Even though he was a terrible husband, I still have optimism that he would become a wonderful father again.
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