Even though you always want to be the best self for your partner, there are many things that you end up doing or saying and they get hurt. It is better to stay quiet if you don’t have anything good or constructive to say.
Each relationship has its fair share of silly arguments along with huge fights. Even though it is normal and healthy to have arguments, you must know where to draw the boundary before it is too late. You can never take back words.
1. “You always do _____________”
They may have a huge flaw, such as forgetting things, but you must never focus on that every time you guys fight or they will start believing that you do not see any good in them and rather focus only on the bad. The bad part about this is that you may even start digging up their past mistakes instead of focusing on the current state. You must remember that you are mad at the situation itself, not at your partner. Keep them both separate and you will know how to tackle difficult situations without hurting them.
“You should focus on attacking the issue and not each other. Too often people resort to personal attacks as a means of winning an argument, but in doing so, they actually cause deep and wounding damage to the relationship,” she notes. “If they focus only on the issue at hand, and make a point not to make personal attacks, they will strengthen their relationship, and their overall respect for each other.“
2. “You never do_________”
This is another absolute perception of your partner, which is something you need to stay away from, in order for your relationship to thrive. People change, for good or bad. Holding someone accountable for something they once did is a horrible idea. You will only end up making them defensive and more unreasonable, which sets ground for further arguments. They might even get super hurt by this and decide to distance themselves from you.
You need to work on the real issue here to resolve the situation instead of making your partner feel insulted. Generalizing your partner’s attitude will only make them feel judged and they will then take a lot of time to open up to you again because of the criticism they get by you. No one likes to feel criticized in a relationship.
3. “It’s your fault that I’m unhappy.”
You may have spent wonderful memories with your partner but you may also be super quick to hold them responsible when you are feeling upset. Something such as your academic life may be stressing you out and as a coping mechanism you may try pinpointing the cause in your relationship. But you won’t be able to, because that’s not the source! You must engage in a meaningful manner and try to find a productive, healthy way to deal with it. Your partner may lash out if you blame them and alienate them because of the fear of not being understood.
You should also read: 7 Things You Should Never Say in a Relationship, Unless You Want it To End
4. “I’m not attracted to you anymore.”
You may go through times when you don’t feel connected to your partner sexually as you once were. But the worst thing would be to open up about this to them. Only open up when you know it would lead to constructive outcome. For something temporary you are feeling, you must never make them feel like they are at fault.
This is something hard to forgive and forget, therefore must be avoided at all costs. Start thinking realistically and approach the problem from a constructive viewpoint. Imagine yourself in your partners shoes. If you cannot bear the thought of your partner telling you that they don’t find you sexy anymore, you probably should do that nasty thing either. What you could do is try a new workout class. Build their confidence and help them look good.
5. “How can you be so stupid?”
Let’s say your partner exceeded the budget limit you had set for a trip. In his mind he may be planning the best trip ever, feeling like he has to give you the best of the best. He did it for his satisfaction. You telling him later on that he went overboard will only hurt him.
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