After both parents decided they did not want to keep the baby, a mother questioned whether she was wrong to deny her son’s ex-lover the opportunity to meet their daughter. She looked for guidance on the internet.
After declaring she didn’t want her son’s ex-lover to meet her daughter 11 years earlier, a mother of an 11-year-old daughter and 33-year-old son resorted to Reddit for guidance.
The mom’s son had gotten a woman named Erica pregnant eleven years prior to the post. The woman and her husband had attempted and failed to conceive further children, so even though Erica and her son didn’t want to keep the boy, they made the decision to nurture him as their own.
The couple kept Erica’s daughter for eleven years as their own, never disclosing to her that her brother was her father and that they were not her biological parents. But when Erica had a change of heart, everything was upended.
What Happened Between the Parents and Their Son
The woman revealed that because her husband did not want to visit or spend time with his daughter, they did not have a strong relationship with their son. But they spoke on the phone and via texts with him on a daily basis.
The woman and her spouse assisted Erica financially and paid her rent for two years while she was attending college, but they also had a tense relationship with her after she turned over her child.
The son of the couple paid them a visit one day. The woman recalled, “He told us Erica had asked to see our daughter.” Although the woman’s husband had informed Erica that they didn’t think it was suitable at the time, they might have permitted communication when she was pregnant. That’s when everything went wrong.
When the Woman Refused Erica’s Contact, What Happened?
The woman and her spouse made the decision to inform their daughter that her grandparents had taken her in from her father and his mistress when they thought she was healthy enough to handle the information.
However, they thought it wouldn’t be the best moment to break the news to their daughter because she was receiving anxiety therapy. The son of the mother believed that mom was treating Erica horribly.
Since then, Erica had given birth to a boy who was two years old at the time, and she expressed her inability to envision the little girl’s reaction upon learning that her adoptive mother had been hiding a huge secret from her for all these years.
The lady’s husband and Erica’s parents, with whom the woman had been friends when Erica became pregnant for the first time and with whom she had known for 25 years, stopped communicating with the pair and claimed to have “allowed” the adoption eleven years prior.
The woman had experienced something similar in the past, so she was perplexed by the responses she got. She disclosed:
“Nobody had a problem [three] years ago when we went through this. Erica contacted us then, and we shot her down telling her that we weren’t comfortable until our daughter was an adult, but now suddenly everyone is losing their mind.”
Some expressed sympathy for the mom, stating that she was entitled to determine what was best for her daughter and when to inform her of the circumstances. Many believed that the woman should be accepted by people around her as the girl’s mother in all but name.
Some commenters, however, felt the woman was being unreasonable for not sharing her real life story with her daughter and for preventing access to the girl’s birth mother, particularly after it was suggested that she may have had touch with her mother while she was pregnant.
There was a widespread opinion that the woman’s daughter had the same right to know that she was adopted as her original mother had to ask to see her. Some suggested that after informing her daughter about the situation, she should ask her if she wanted to meet her biological mother.
Do you believe the mother and her husband were correct to keep their daughter from meeting her birth mother? If you had been in their position, how would you have responded to the circumstance?
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