Off The Record

She Didn’t Want The Uber Driver To Know Their House Would Be Empty All Night

Published on January 2, 2024

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go to the show and have a nice dinner. Since our house had been broken into before, we put the cat in the garden and turned on a “night light.”

As we walked out of our front door when our Uber came, our rather fat cat slid between our legs and then ran up the stairs.

We didn’t want to leave our parakeet alone because our cat likes to chase it, so my husband ran inside to get her and put her at the back yard again.

I told the Uber driver that my husband would be out for a short time because he was saying goodnight to my mother. I didn’t want him to know that our house would be empty all night.

After a few minutes, he got into the Uber, irritated, and said, as the car pulled away, “Sorry it took so long, but the stupid b** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her a with a coat hanger to get her to come out!” This made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I grabbed her by the neck and put a blanket around her so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did before.

It did work, though! “I threw her fat a** down the stairs and into the backyard. She should not poop in the vegetable garden again.”

There was dead silence in the Uber…