Parenting is a full-time job and every parent wants to do their best. There is no universal manual as to how to raise them right though.
However, psychology has realized a couple of dynamics which result in successful grown children.
1. These parents allow their kids to do the chores
Author Julie Lythcott-Haims in her book ”How to Raise an Adult” says, “If kids aren’t doing the dishes, someone else is doing that for them. And so they are absolved of not only the work but of learning that work has to be done and that each one of us must contribute to the betterment of the whole.”
It summarizes the conclusion of the study: over-parenting means doing your children’s work for them. This practice spoils them and their future selves as well. Lythcott-Haims maintains how household chores build responsibility, autonomy and perseverance in children – qualities much defining an all-rounded adult.
Consider this other study as well. The researchers collected and analysed data over a 20-year period. They concluded that the best predictor of success in young adulthood was whether they have been doing chores as young as 3 to 4 years-old.
It’s never too late to get started. Take help from Richard Bromfield’s “How to Unspoil Your Child Fast“. Train your children to do their work themselves.
2. These parents get along well with each-other
A study at the University of Illinois concluded that children in high-conflict families, either intact or divorced, tend to perform worse than the children of parents who are compatible.
Another study testifies that when the father frequently contacts after the divorce and there is minimal conflict, children progress better. There will be adjustment issues for the children if conflict sustains. It is what the author of the review, Robert Hughes, Jr., Ph.D., said as well: a conflict before the divorce has a negative impact on children and a post-divorce conflict will result in maladjustment. He discusses how it doesn’t generalize but it merely implies that children from divorced families have more problems than the ones in intact families.
3. Mothers are college-graduates
Lead author of this study, Sandra Tang, University of Michigan psychologist, discovered that, if mothers finished high school or college, their children were more likely to do the same. The level of maternal education is a reliable indicator of children’s growth and success in later years.
Another research provides support for this one. It concluded that parents’ educational level when the child was 8-years-old was an important forecaster for child’s education and professional success 40 years later.
4. Such parents impart mathematical skills early
You can predict future success in math and literacy if children develop math skills early on, says a research. Co-author of the study, Greg Duncan, said: The paramount importance of early math skills – of beginning school with a knowledge of numbers, number order, and other rudimentary math concepts – is one of the puzzles coming out of the study.
The study revealed a correlation between success and achievement in 5th grade and elementary math skills while literacy skills weren’t as important.
5. These parents have a healthy relationship with their children
243 people were a part of a study in 2014. They were born into poverty. The results revealed that the children who received sensitive care-giving in their first three years did better in academic tests in childhood. They also had healthier relationships and greater academic accomplishments in their 30’s.
When you indulge in sensitive care-giving, you promptly and appropriately act towards your child’s needs. It fosters a secure base for your children to explore.
The study also advocates when you invest in the child-parent relationship, it may yield long-term returns which will accumulate across the individuals’ lives.
6. These parents share the belief their children can develop their abilities
A psychologist at Stanford University, Carol Dweck, discovered how children and adults think about success. Dweck disclosed how two mindsets prevail, aiding either to our success of stagnation. There is a fixed mindset – people believing in fixed abilities – and then there is a growth mindset – where people believe abilities can develop. Evidently, the former are less likely to flourish. It is what Dweck had to say:
“Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”
It’s all about how you bring them up. It’s about the care, encouragement and love you give to your children!
Image source: Kristina Pimenova/Instagram