Off The Record
My Son Threatens To Move Out If I Don’t Buy Him A Car – Here’s What I Did
Since my son Michael turned 22 last month, I had assumed that our difficult teenage years were behind us. I had no idea that a storm was building directly beneath my nose.
I was in the kitchen, preparing lunch when Michael stormed in, his face twisted with frustration.
“We need to talk, Mom,” he remarked in an uncharacteristically serious tone.
I looked up at him and heard the strain in his voice. Indeed, honey, what’s on your mind?
Arms folded, he leaned against the counter. “A car is what I need.”
I hesitated, surprised. “A vehicle? How did your part-time work go? You were putting money aside for one.”
Michael sighed with exasperation. “I know, but I really need it now, and it’s taking forever to save up.”
I scowled and used a kitchen towel to wipe my hands. “Cars are pricey, Michael. You are aware of that. Additionally, since you work, you can save a little bit more money and—”
He interrupted me, saying, “No, Mom, I can’t wait anymore,” in an irritated tone. I’m sick and tired of relying on you for rides or the bus because all of my pals own vehicles. I must have my independence.
“Michael, I understand, but we can’t just afford to buy you a car out of the blue,” I said, feeling my frustration rising. It’s not really that easy.
With a clinched jaw, he narrowed his eyes. “Well, then I might just move in with Dad.” I’ll get an automobile from him.
His words hit me like a ton of bricks.
Rather than being a good father, my ex-husband David, always sought to buy Michael’s devotion. I was shocked that Michael would even consider making such a suggestion.
Trying not to lose my cool, I added, “Michael, you can’t just threaten to leave because you’re not getting what you want.”
“Why not? I would make my dad very happy. He always treats me,” he shot out in a furious tone.
“This isn’t about your dad,” I said, taking a deep breath as I tried to organize my thoughts. It has to do with accountability. Now that you’re an adult, part of being an adult involves making mature choices.
“Yeah, responsible decisions like being the only one among my friends without a car,” he said, rolling his eyes.
Our conversation ended there, but tension lingered in the air. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of disappointment and worry.
Michael and I had tense moments and silent treatments over the next few days. Every time I attempted to bring up the subject, disagreements broke out.
I made up my mind to give it another go one evening as we were having dinner.
“Michael, may we please revisit the car issue?” With caution, I inquired.
“What’s there to talk about, Mom?” He grumbled, prodding at his food. You refuse to get me one even now.
“Michael, it goes beyond just getting you a car.” I said, trying not to sway, “It’s about the way you’re handling this whole situation.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, his expression defensive as he looked up.
“I mean, it’s not how adults manage things to threaten to leave if you don’t get what you want. Excuse me, but that’s unfair to manipulate me like that.” I said, feeling both sad and frustrated.
He shrugged, “I’m just tired of waiting. Dad would understand.”
Michael, Dad isn’t in the room. Additionally, getting you a car won’t fix everything. And what about the associated costs? insurance and upkeep. I stopped talking, thinking he would get the hint.
After a little period of silence, he pushed his plate aside and said, “Forget it, Mom. You’re never going to get it.”
I couldn’t help but feel guilty as he was leaving the table, wondering if I was being too strict or if there was some other way I wasn’t doing a good job of raising my kids.
Weeks passed, and the tension in the house didn’t seem to go down. Michael grew increasingly aloof, spending most of his time alone in his room or out with friends.
I discovered this message on the kitchen counter one Saturday morning:
“Mom, I’m going to spend some time with Dad. I can no longer bear being here. Perhaps he will comprehend me more fully.”
I read the words, and my heart fell. Though I knew this day may arrive, I never imagined it would take place in this manner.
When I called Michael’s number right away, it went straight to voicemail. I began to feel panicked as I attempted to remember where David was living at the time. Years had passed since the divorce before we had spoken.
I finally located David’s number after a lot of frantic searching, so I called it in the hopes that he would answer.
“Hey?” On the other end, David sounded astonished in his voice.
“Sarah, this is me, David.” Trying not to lose my cool in the face of mounting panic, I blurted out, “I… I need to know if Michael is with you.”
There was a moment of silence before he responded.
“Sarah, what’s happening? It’s not Michael here.”
My heart grew even more heavy. “He told you in a note that he would be staying with you. I refuse to purchase him a car, which is why he is furious.”
With a sigh of frustration, David said, “I felt something like this might happen.” Look, he can’t just run away from his problems; I’ll try to talk to him if he turns up.
I hung up after thanking him. Michael didn’t reply for several days. I texted and called him, but he didn’t answer. Worried about him all the time, I was unable to concentrate on anything.
Then there came a knock on the door one evening. I hurried to respond as my heart shot into my throat. It was Michael, carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder and appearing worn out and defeated.
“Can we talk, Mom?” His voice seeming little, he asked.
Relief washed over me as I pulled him into a hug. “Of course, come in.”
After we took a seat in the living room, Michael stumbled over his words and said, “I’m sorry, Mom.” I was doing foolishly. I gave him a light handshake and said, “Michael, it’s okay. I’m just happy to see you again.”
“I realize now that running away wasn’t the solution,” he said, looking down to avoid meeting my sight. When I got there, Dad had no idea what I was talking about. With a mixture of relief and sadness, I nodded and said, “I’m just pleased you’re safe. However, we must speak about what transpired.”
Thus, we had a conversation. We discussed communication, accountability, and the difficulties of growing up. Although difficult, the chat was essential. Ultimately, Michael realized that owning a car came with obligations in addition to satisfying a yearning for independence. And even in the most difficult situations, I realized that communication was essential.
After that day, we fought to mend our relationship and made it stronger than before, understanding that obstacles might arise but that we would overcome them as a team.
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