“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” ― Lundy Bancroft
This line from Shakespeare may be true to some extent, but it does not mean you will endure each and everything for the sake of love. Yes, love is blind, and yes, we go out of our ways to be with our loved ones and leave no stone un-turned to make them happy. More often than not, we tend to lose ourselves in the process.
If you feel drained and see yourself taking all the responsibilities of the relationship, chances are that your partner is manipulating you. Emotional abuse is difficult to notice since it goes along with the natural difficulties that every relationship passes through. The impact however, is no less than physical torture and can leave you scarred. Nothing good can ever come out of such toxicity. If you face the following things, it is time for you to put an end to it.
1. Abusers Don’t Want to Acknowledge Your Pain
You must be able to express freely without fear of being judged in a relationship. If you are hurting, you should be able to open your heart to your partner. An abuser will not listen to your pain and will twist the situation to make you feel that you deserved all the hurt. Please see this as a sign of a highly insensitive person. Your partner should always be able to empathize with you.
2. They Use Tactics to Make You Doubt Yourself
Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person, in order to gain more power in the relationship and to dominate, makes a victim question their own reality. They achieve this by blatantly lying to their face, denying having said something, using what is near to you as ammunition, convincing others that you are crazy and they confuse you about everything. This is an extremely traumatic situation and can easily wear you down.
3. They Make You Feel Invalid
They don’t see it as a problem to tell you or make you feel worthless. They will keep ignoring all your efforts and never understand your value. Your actions or words are of no significance to the abuser and they will make you feel miserable. Remember that appreciation is extremely important in a relationship.
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4. They Act as Though You Aren’t Competent
Nothing you do is ever enough for them. Their demands are endless and they will never be considerate towards you. All this will make you feel like an errant child and this amounts to abuse.
5. They Tease You Constantly to Point Out Your Flaws
Abusers have a specific technique to get their work done without actually spelling out what they mean; they make jokes at your expense. Nobody is flawless and that’s the beauty of being human. However, an abuser will constantly bring up your flaws and make you feel bad about yourself.
6. They Use Word Salad
If you try to bring up their unhealthy behavior to the forefront or tell them that you feel wronged, they will twist up words and prove that they didn’t do wrong. You simply cannot see them taking ownership of their actions; instead, they will turn it around on you in an absurd way that is impossible to argue with.
7. They Blame You For Everything
According to them, you are the cause of all misfortune. They were late to office because you did not call them, or got kicked out of class for being inattentive because they were worried about you. It is never their own fault.
8. Your Partner is Indifferent About Your Feelings
Do you ever feel like you are talking to a wall while trying to confide in your partner? Do they even listen to what you have to say? It is because they are indifferent about your feelings and that is not how a relationship works.
9. You Have to Tip-Toe Around Their Emotions to Avoid a Blow-Up
If you have to think before speaking to your partner to avoid infuriating your partner, it is abuse. Constantly being on alert will cause strain and you will swallow your emotions instead of being vocal.
10. They Dictate Your Life
From what you wear, to the people you meet and even the amount of money you spend, your partner always has a negative remark about everything. They even tell you what you are allowed and not allowed to do. They will control you because they think you are inferior to them.