Majority of the readers here agree that intelligence is sexy. And almost all of us must have met people who (leave physical appearance aside) have such a magnetic personality that their appeal is hard to overlook.
Our health and physical appearance is of prime importance to us, and thus we are likely to spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars on it during a lifetime, just to improve and polish what we already have. Our appearance is of such vital importance to us in the society that we adorn ourselves with the best clothes and accessories that money can buy. We exert and push our bodies in the gym and spend countless hours over styling that perfect look; all for acceptance and appreciation. But have you ever stopped and wondered how much time do you actually spend cultivating that curious internal magnetism that is the basis of attraction?
Here are 6 simple habits that you can imbibe in your everyday life to help increase your charisma, confidence, and sense of self:
1. Empower yourself!
There is a well-known theory named Law of Attraction which states that we are bound to arrive at the outcome which we most expect. Of course, this principle does not always hold true – unfortunately for my toddler, who expected cookies for dinner. However, there is certainly something to it. It is only when we possess a genuine confidence in our actions, others will look up to us and believe in our goals. Because at the end of the day, if you don’t believe in your desired goal, what compulsion does the world have to do so?
When we are completely focused and believe in the reasons why and how to reach our goals, we automatically boost ourselves with confidence. A confident mind is an infinitely attractive trait. It also helps us to perform our best.
Let’s take a very common example for this. A teenager asking a girl to a school dance is much more likely to get a “yes” if he is smiling, standing tall, and cracking jokes, than if he is staring at the floor and mumbling. The downward glance and mumble will immediately put across the impression that he himself thinks she won’t accompany him to the dance. This might, in turn, make her doubt her attraction to him in the first place. A wide confident smile and ‘cheeky’ clever joke will ease up the environment and make her more comfortable. And that in turn will result in her looking forward to that charm on the day of the dance too.
Here’s a quick tip, before you face a big moment in life, try to empower your self-belief. A good way to do that would be to write down 10 reasons why the person in front would want to agree with you. Once written and internalized, these reasons do more than just empower you for the future. Even if you are denied you will have the understanding that it’s their loss and not yours. This will help in shrugging off the rejection and moving on.
Before moments like these, why not practice this habit every day in your life? Do yourself a favor… from the next day onward notice whenever you elicit a smile, or when your hair looks great, or when your speech was well received. By doing this you are training your brain to look for these positive traits in yourself and, in turn, to see yourself for all the positivity that builds you up. Again, the theory is the same: When you see yourself as an appealing, clever, magnanimous person, others will too.
2. Take Time to Meditate
The importance of mediation for controlling the mind and emotions is a subject that cannot be stressed enough. In today’s society, when first impressions matter the most and every new meeting is a make or break situation, it is natural to feel stressed and unsure of oneself.
One way to get above this is to learn mediation. It has been proven that meditation lowers stress levels, anxiety, impulsiveness, and worry, and all of them lead to social blunders. It also builds up mental strength which in turn leads to better focus, creativity, and memory, qualities that are crucial to good conversations and relationships.
The best part? It will only take twenty minutes a day. Not a bad bargain for a peaceful mind.
3. Know Yourself, Be Yourself
Aligning your thoughts, words, and actions is a trait that leads to stability at internal level. This act of alignment is called Personal Congruence. As a quality, congruence ranks high up as it causes a person to come off to others as authentic and self-assured. Practicing congruence is a sure way to promote self-confidence. When you act with integrity, others respond to you as you truly are, rather than following any other false notion about your personality. Being congruent is about embracing and expressing your true feelings.
Most people fail to practice this as they fear the possibility of exposing their weaknesses to the world. But over the years the one thing that I’ve learned is that you’re bound to find some of your best friends while you are at your worst, most unattractive moments. They are going to be the people standing around you when the smoke clears out; for there’s something very endearing and relatable about someone in a vulnerable position. They might not be perfect, but then, who is? Genuine flaws are more charming than a manufactured facade of perfection.
4. You do you, honey!
This is a trait that everyone, from a teenager to a middle aged person should apply in their lives. On any given day, do things because you genuinely want to – not to appease someone, or to pull up a false image, and never to fit in.
Validation, when seeked elsewhere can quickly turn poisonous. The moment you stop seeking validation from others will be the moment you realize the freedom you’ve gained. Use it to pursue interests and hobbies that you may never have considered before – even if it takes you out of your comfort zone, do it. It all adds up to make yourself a well-rounded and interesting person. If you are passionate about your goals and the pursuit, people will automatically be attracted to you, for there is nothing more appealing than someone who is genuinely having a good time.
Take up an example from your own life. Recall the last widely likable and attractive natured person you encountered. Now, do you think that person needed you to like him/her? Of course not, because for them, their own validation is good enough. They like themselves, no one else matters.
So go ahead and take back the control of your self-image by worrying less about what others think of you and more about who you truly are. And in the meantime, enjoy the festival that life is.
5. Listen Up!
There’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth. It was to listen twice as much as we speak. Sadly, this is a habit which most of us skip. Very few have perfected the art of listening, while majority of us excel at talking.
I’m lucky enough to be the husband of a very good listener, and it is from experience that I can tell you what a profound impact it has on people. Most people, myself included, tend to talk too much because we are eager to make a connection. What we fail to understand is that if you really want to connect with someone and understand them, the only thing you ought to do is listen. Being a natural at this, my wife not only attracts people and makes them feel comfortable, but is also able to offer thoughtful insights regarding their problems, strengths, and motivations.
Listening cultivates you as a person with an open mind, a strong sense of empathy, and also develops your ability to connect. As someone who struggles to develop this skill, I cannot recommend it enough!
6. Shake It Off!
Nobody gets spared from the inevitable sting of rejection. The next time you get rejected in any situation, work or otherwise, stop and contemplate. Once you start dwelling and understanding the reasons for your rejection, your brain will start to get trained in looking for possible flaws and blunders. This creates an opposite but equally useful effect as point #1.
The fact that everyone in the world might not like us can be extremely disheartening, or it can be tremendously freeing. It all depends on our perception. Rejection, after all, is rarely about your defects. More often than not, when two people can’t find similar grounds to connect, it is always better to put the ever precious time and energy into other relationships.
The funny thing about becoming a truly and deeply appealing person is that if you have this quality, it is highly probable that you don’t even care – because you love yourself. Always keep in mind that the most important and long-lasting relationship you can develop is the one that you have with yourself. Cultivate that, nourish it with every positive trait you can imbibe and the rest is sure to fall into place.