Love is one of the most magical things in the universe, but it does have a very dicey reputation, thanks to the added baggage that comes with it: relationships. They are weird and unpredictable things, requiring patience, self-control and a lot of compromises. But, like that famous Woody Allen quote: “We do it for the eggs”. Whatever they are, we do it for love, which has successfully driven humanity’s quest towards betterment.
There are milestone moments in every relationship; the jittery first date, the first kiss, etc. But nothing has captured more footage than the first time the three special words are invoked: ‘I love you’. You shouldn’t really freak out if your if your partner never says I love you. It really could mean anything.
The timing, the intention and truth behind the three words make a world of difference to any and every relationship, either making it or breaking it.
Like the stereotype goes, thanks to so many sitcoms and rom-coms, there is often a partner who just doesn’t say the three magical words. This can cause a lot of internal strife and conflict among the two.
But hey, here is to simply negating stereotypes:
Every relationship is different and more different is the scenario in which the words are said. So, there is no need to be jittery about the situation.
According to Trina Leckie, breakup BOOST podcast host, the problem might even lie with you in at least one situation: if you need to be told that they love you more than three times a day. This might be a result of past trauma and a hidden need for attention and affection and recognition on your part. During this situation, at least you should try to self-assess your issue. Seek help if needed.
After all, constant need for approval and reassurances may be a sign of an underlying mental condition, and this may ruin your relationship further later on, unless checked early.
Then there are partners who have never said it at all. This is the kind of thing that is a genuine case of concern. More so, because you might come off as pushy, not giving them time to consolidate their feelings. At the same time, they might be playing with your feelings and fooling you. In this particular scenario at least, a conversation of some kind has to be initiated by you.
But make sure to make your concerns sound as genuine as they actually are. The task can be a pretty daunting one, with your relationship hanging on the balance.
You will also like reading: The Psychology Behind Who Says ‘I Love You’ First In A Relationship
But you must be subtle; make sure to not jump the gun. Make sure you both are comfortable, preferably at a place that holds good memories for both of you. Then start the conversation about something that interests you both and then, and only then, subtly convey the problem of them not having said the words as often to you as you have to them, and how much such words of affirmation mean to you.
Believe us, this will do you good. This is because right from their reaction, short-term and long-term, you would be able to gauge the value of your relationship. You will also be able to gauge if they are prioritizing you and the relationship at all.
If they do mend their ways and meet you halfway, well, you are a lucky one. If not, you have got to get out of a bad and unhealthy one-sided relationship. Moreover, as matchmaker and dating coach Julia Bekker says that you definitely don’t want them saying it to make you feel better.
Win-win both ways!
If your emotional needs aren’t being fulfilled in something that takes so much of your time, energy and attention as a relationship, it is probably wiser to reevaluate the value of your own time, energy and attention.
It is not too much to ask to be loved and, despite whatever you have faced before in past relationships, never let anyone tell you any different. If you have loved, you deserve to be loved back.
If you are not, it is better to move on before the scars start running deep again.
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