Off The Record
Fun Stories That Will Destroy Your Faith In Humanity
Stories about people whose trust in humanity was restored are common. Because it is so uncommon, hearing such news is cause for celebration.
The following tales are brief, yet they convey a message about the world in which we find ourselves. These fun stories do not restore your faith in humanity, but rather undermine it.
I guarantee that you will enjoy the following stories. It’s not only because they are ridiculous, it’s because they just might be true and more than likely, you’ve seen it for yourself. We hope you’ll have a good laugh, just like we did!
McDonald’s drive through
My husband and I entered McDonald’s through the drive-through window, and I paid with five dollars.
Since our combined total was $4.25, I also gave her the quarter.
“You gave me too much money,” she complained.
Yes, I was aware, but I reasoned, “Here, just give me a dollar back.”
When I repeated my request, she sighed and called for the manager.
After I did, he gave me the quarter back and said, “We don’t do that kind of thing.”
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.
Mechanic bad at math
The garage door needed to be fixed, so we did just that.
One of our issues, according to the repairman, was that our opener did not have a “large” enough motor.
After some consideration, I mentioned that we had the largest one available at the time—a 1/2 horsepower.
To which I replied, “You need a 1/4 horsepower,” to which he shook his head.
Half is bigger than a quarter, I argued, but he exclaimed, “NOOO, it’s not. Two is smaller than four.”
We stopped calling on him after…
Deer Crossing
My home is in a rural-like setting.
The DEER CROSSING sign was recently removed at the request of a new resident who called the municipal council office.
“Too many deer are getting hit by cars out here,” they said. “They shouldn’t be crossing here any longer, in my opinion.”
Iceberg Lettuce
In search of Mexican fast food, my daughter visited a taco stand.
She specifically requested “minimal lettuce” from the cashier.
He said he was sorry, but they only had “iceberg lettuce.”
Airport luggage
An airport worker questioned me when I checked in at the gate,
Has anything been secretly placed in your luggage?
When asked how I would know if something happened behind my back, I responded, “I wouldn’t.”
He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’
Government employee
When it’s safe to cross the street, a sound will come from the pedestrian light at the corner.
My coworker who is ‘intellectually challenged’ and I were at a crosswalk.
She asked if I understood the function of the beeper.
The color red serves as a signal for the visually impaired, I said.
She was shocked and exclaimed, “What the hell are blind people doing driving?!
She is a government employee…..
“I did that side already…”
My wife and I were told the car’s keys had been locked inside when we returned to the dealership to get it after service.
When we arrived at the service center, a mechanic was busy trying to open the car’s driver-side door.
I was watching from the passenger side and, out of curiosity, turned the door handle.
I greeted the technician with, “Hey, it’s open!”
His reply was, ‘I know. I already did that side.’
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