You probably know that around 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. The number is also high in many other developed nations.
When you break that down by number of marriages:
- 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
- 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
- 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.
Many marriages end up in a divorce because of getting in for the wrong reasons, and because at one point people don’t see themselves as successful family. It all boils down to mutual understanding.
That’s why it’s really helpful to ask these 10 questions that opens up your partner to see the relationship from new perspective:
1. What do you see in me/why do you love me? – It’s such a simple question, and yet many people never ever ask themselves. You must ask your partner: why does he/she love you? Just try it and see their reaction. You will instantly notice him/her gazing in your eyes and thinking back about the beautiful memories of your relationship. If you plan to be together “till death do you apart” then you must have authentic reasons to spend your life with them.
2. What are your mutual goals for the relationship? – This is really a must question. When you put the ring on, you decide that you must become one, and that comes with a plan: what do you plan to do after you get married? Example, start living together, have a baby, buy a house etc… most things come naturally, but you must have some paved path that you will start walking.
3. Do you know how to compromise? – I hate to break it to you, but marriage is a mutual respect. Before marriage, you might have been accustomed to making unilateral decisions. Now things have changed, and both you and your spouse must put your marriage above your personal preferences. Rather than think of that as a drawback, consider the advantage. “The ideas of two people combined can lead to a solution that is better than what each one could come up with alone,” says a wife named Alexandra.
4. What’s your relationship with your family? – Focus on the family reports: According to a newly released study, men who are on good terms with their wives’ parents are more likely to enjoy a long-lasting marriage. Yet, researchers found that a wife’s relationship with her husband’s parents is a bit more complicated and less indicative of overall marital happiness. Do you get along with your in-laws?
Why the disparity?
Terri Orbuch, the study’s author, explained to a columnist with Salt Lake City’s Deseret News:
Orbuch says that when a man bonds with his in-laws, his wife gets the message that “your family is important to me because you’re important to me. I want to feel closer to them because I want to be closer to you.” Wives love that and marriages get a longevity bump.
But when the wife feels close to her in-laws, Orbuch sees two possible reasons things go the other way. First, in-law ties are more stressful to women, because it “interferes with and takes time away from bonding with the husband and her own family. Women like to analyze, work on and improve relationships. They think of in-law ties the same way,” Orbuch said. That time takes away from other things that strengthen bonds with the husband.
5. Why do you want to be with me for the rest of your life? – There goes the question that freighters many individuals. Once you’re committed to spend the rest of your life with someone, you must know WHY. It will literally cost your entire life, and you must know the reason for it. And yes, being in love is enough to start it.
6. Can you keep the romance alive? – Romance is not just a burning candles while you make love. Showing appreciation, taking time off to be together, making travel plans, remember what first sparked your love… these are the small things that will keep the ‘candles’ burning between the two of you. Here are more things to consider.
7. Can’t you work through the rough patches? – If someone is not able to walk through the thorns, then they are not worth for you (this goes vice versa). More or less you will know by the time you get married if he/she is capable of going through the high hills, but it’s always good to be reminded of it.
8. What are your parenting skills? – I remember when I asked one of my previous girlfriends: what do you plan to do when you have kids? She immediately said: I will hire a nanny to keep them. I knew right away that there was no future with that girl, because she was dead serious about it.
The bottom line is that you both must have desire and skill to raise kids. It would be a perfect start to take parenting courses, because they majorly help.
9. Can you commit to grow with me instead of away from me? – The answer to this question can shed a light on whether the person understands the nature of close relationships and the constant maintenance they require, or they don’t.
10. Will you continue to grow in the relationship? – A short tip from Lifehack: Look at old pictures, tell old stories, remember those first magnetic embers of love. We aren’t just who we are in this moment, we are a culmination of the past, the present, and the future. Use the victories and lessons of the past as fuel for future growth. Set goals for the relationship and keep track of them. Growing a relationship is like anything else of value, you need to plan, set goals, work, and review.
It is crucial to find the right person to marry. If you make the mistake of marrying the wrong person it can have lethal consequences. Read it again and make sure you take it to heart!
The 3 Best books on Love and Relationships You Must Read:
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples