It has nothing to do with money or what’s in their pants.
We are seven billion people, hopelessly running after love. For ages, we have tried to find the perfect combination to this safe called “soulmate”. But none of us are quite sure as to what mathematical algorithm leads us to love.
Psychology Today has enlisted five character-traits that will help you determine this.
Your checklist should definitely include these pointers, if you want a wholesome and healthy relationship.
1. Focus on kindness, loyalty and understanding; not looks, status, and excitement.
Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D, said the couples who cherish each other’s company and true nature, are the happiest people. In order to co-exist, you must be truly accepting them. I see too many people chase wealth and financial stability, than the rawness of emotion. Invest in your bond, instead of constantly judging them on their appearance or life decisions. They may not be Brad Pitt material, but they can still be lovely. Also, who is to say that Brad would love you more than them?
Appreciate what you have. As old age kicks in, none of the outward glow will make a single difference.
2. Similarity. Unless you are similar in some ways, there will be too much conflict. No they do not have to be an exact mirror copy of you. I admit, that is no fun. Also, no two people can ever be the same. But having said all of that, your basic principles should compliment each other.
For example: If you are strongly rooted to one place, and they swear by traveling, you are going to be apart for lengthy periods of time. If you want children, and they do not, then that is going to lead to severely unfulfilled lives. Neither of you would want to end up unhappy.
Test the waters. See if your life decisions are in sync with one another, and then move forward.
3. Conscientiousness. Being organized is important. If your partner is the hottest human being in town, but regularly stands you up on dates, then the situation doesn’t look too good, does it? It won’t matter how good they look or how much they earn, if they treat you poorly.
Somebody who is trustworthy, who has earned your vulnerability, is always the better option. They will be there for you, through thick and thin.
4. Emotional stability. I know they say ‘love hurts’, but that’s a huge pack of lies. Love does not need to hurt. It is very toxic to believe that something so beautiful is actually meant to tear you apart.
Patients of neuroticism suffer from mood swings, heightened anxiousness, stress, etc. They may lose their temper too often, and their partner suffers for it.
Irrespective of what the case may be, always aim towards being stable. Too many fights heighten the toxicity levels, and encourage bitterness.
5. The belief that relationships work. You want to be with somebody who believes that your bond stands a chance. If your partner constantly speaks about breaking up, or how this relationship is going nowhere, then it is best to step back and reconsider.
Psychologists categorize these responses into two categories: growth and fate. The former believe in investing in their relationship and working to make things better. The latter leave it up to a supernatural power and are of the opinion that if it’s meant to work, it will. It is important to know which side your partner belongs to. That determines if they are ready to address issues like an adult, or give up too easily. It will help you achieve a clearer picture of your future together.