Off The Record
Nosy Neighbor Had Our Cars Towed From Our Driveway—She Regretted It Instantly
As our automobiles were towed away, she grinned, certain that she had prevailed in a local conflict. But by morning, she stood stunned on her porch, confronted with a $25,000 error she would never forget.
The house had only been occupied for one night by Jack and me. The rental was a modest one-story home nestled in a peaceful suburb. Bricks of tan. green shutters. There was a patchy lawn that appeared to have been neglected since spring.
We only had a short-term job assignment here. Nothing permanent. Nothing noteworthy.
The doorbell rang just as we were unpacking the coffee machine.
Jack moaned. “We don’t even have curtains up yet.”
I looked through the peephole. “Well, looks like the Welcome Committee’s here.”
He took a quick look. “Oh no. She has cookies in her hand.”
I pulled the door open.
A woman wearing white capri trousers, a pastel pink cardigan, and a matching headpiece was standing there. She had a lovely smile, but what about her eyes? Too busy to be distributing baked goods.
“Hi there!” she exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. “My name is Lindsey. My residence is directly across the street. I just wanted to say hello and stop by.”
A dish of cookies was held out by her. They were chocolate chip. perfect rows. There is not a crumb missing.
I said, “Well, thank you,” and accepted the tray. “That’s very kind.”
Jack waved languidly at her. “Appreciate it.”
Her eyes continued to dart behind us, but her smile remained fixed. above my shoulder. Next, over Jack’s.
She leaned a little as if to take a look inside.
I took a step sideways. She looked down our corridor. After that, head back to the living room.
She asked, blinking quickly, “You folks settling in okay?”
I answered, “Yeah,” slowly. “Just moved in yesterday.”
She murmured, “Such a lovely area,” as she glanced back at the doorframe. “Slow down. tidy. Extremely…well-organized.”
Jack folded his arms. “Work is the only reason we are here. There shouldn’t be any issues.”
“Oh, I’m sure!” Her voice was a bit too bright as she spoke. “I wanted to extend a warm welcome. And a little something else.”
I sensed it was coming. Cookies gave way to complaints.
“Our HOA—very friendly, but firm—has a rule about cars,” she explained. “Only one per household in the driveway.”
I blinked. “One car?”
“Yes,” she answered in a tighter voice. “No exclusions. keeps the neighborhood neat and orderly.”
Jack’s eyebrows went up. However, we won’t be parking on the street. Both vehicles easily fit in the driveway.
“I know,” she responded, tilting her head slightly. However, there are still two cars. Just one residence. Just one driveway. One vehicle.
“We’re just here temporarily,” I replied. “Not permanent residents.”
She grinned broadly. “Everyone is subject to the rules. The beauty of it is that.”
Jack studied her for a moment. “Well, thanks for the cookies.”
She chirped, “Enjoy them!” “And don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll settle in just fine.”
We shut the door.
“That was a lot,” explained Jack.
I placed the tray on the counter and remarked, “She looked past me like she expected to see a drug deal going down in the kitchen.”
“Bet she memorized our license plates already.”
“Give her permission. We’re not breaking any laws, really. Just a neighbor with too much time and too much enthusiasm.”
Jack gave a shrug. “Cookies smell good though.”
I heard an odd noise outdoors when I woke up three days later. It was early. It’s still dark. That dreary, chilly hour before dawn.
Clank, Clank. Whirrr.
Jack rubbed his eyes and sat up. “What is that?”
I froze after drawing back the curtain. “Jack. Outside. Now.”
Half-dressed and barefoot, we flew down the hallway and threw open the door.
Two tow trucks. In our driveway, both. Our two vehicles both partially raised off the ground.
“Hey!” I yelled. “What the hell is going on?”
Not even one of the tow truck guys looked up. “HOA regulation violation. Each house can only have one car. We received orders this morning.”
“From who?” Jack lost his temper. “No warning is posted! No notice!”
We spotted her at that point. Lindsey.
Wearing a lavender bathrobe, she stood on the pavement with her coffee mug in hand and her arms folded across her chest. She was grinning more broadly than before. As if she had just won a prize.
I shouted, “WOW,” clear enough for her to hear. “You really did it, huh?”
For half a second, her smile wavered. “What’s so funny?” she yelled immediately.
Calm as possible, I approached her.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Just the fact that you owe us twenty-five thousand dollars now.”
She blinked. “What—what do you mean?”
Jack approached me with his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. I gestured to the tiny decal on my car’s rear windshield. If you didn’t know where to look, it was barely noticeable.
She squinted.
I grinned. “Bet you didn’t recognize that little mark.”
She gazed at it. open-mouthed. We simply stood there. observing the changes in her face.
She took a slow step forward, squinting at the rear windshield corner as her pupils narrowed and her lips slightly parted. To the right eye, the small sticker was obvious, even though it wasn’t meant to be ostentatious.
Her head was cocked. With an abruptly thin and uncertain voice, she questioned, “What… what is that?”
Jack said nothing. There was nothing for him to say.
I also didn’t respond to her. I just offered her the smallest of smiles, met her gaze, and turned to return to the house. Jack silently followed me.
Lindsey yelled again, louder than before, behind us. “Hey, hold on! I had a question for you.”
We didn’t bother to turn around. Nor did we slam the door. Simply shut it. Final and soft.
Jack tossed himself onto the couch and gave his neck a quick stroke. “She’s gonna lose it thinking about that sticker.”
I grinned. “She should.”
She gave us some cookies, but we didn’t even touch them. Like a forgotten, stale peace gift, they sat on the counter, unopened.
I called later that night, after the neighborhood had huddled in and the streetlights had winked on. It was brief, concise, and to the point.
I stated, “We’ve got a situation,” “Interference from citizens. Tampering with property. In the morning, you might wish to send someone.”
After a brief silence, the other person responded quietly and quietly, “Understood.”
Click.
From the opposite end of the living room, Jack gave me a quick glance. “They’re sending someone?”
I gave a nod. “Yes. Early.”
Jack smiled and threw his arms over his head. “All right. When it occurs, I want her to be completely alert.”
The following morning, when we went outside, the sun had not yet fully risen. Just as expected, the black SUV turned the corner and slowed down in front of Lindsey’s house.
A man emerged as the driver’s door opened. As he crossed the street, he was wearing a sharp white shirt, a fitted black suit, and shining shoes that hardly made a sound. He was wearing dark sunglasses, even in the early light.
He stopped next to me and nodded slightly. I gave it back.
We crossed the street together and entered Lindsey’s front porch. The doorbell rang.
The door creaked open after a few seconds.
Lindsey was standing there with her blond hair piled on top of her fluffy pink bathrobe and a white mug that read “Live, Laugh, Love” in both hands.
As she took us in, she blinked vigorously. “Um… hello?”
The agent was unflappable. He produced a thin leather wallet from inside his jacket and opened it while displaying his ID and badge.
“Ma’am,” he said quietly, “due to your actions yesterday morning, you are now under investigation for interfering with an active undercover federal operation.”
Lindsey’s face lost its redness. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
“I—I don’t understand,” she finally answered. “What operation?”
“You initiated the towing of two marked government vehicles,” the agent added, maintaining a polite and even tone. “You disrupted and compromised two embedded federal officers in the process.”
“I didn’t know!” she stumbled back. “I mean—I thought—I was just trying to follow the HOA rules!”
“You didn’t check the cars before you started removing them,” he answered without blinking. “You harmed and postponed an ongoing federal investigation as a result. Twenty-five thousand dollars has been spent and lost as a result of your conduct.”
Her mouth fell open. With a loud crash, the mug fell out of her hands and broke into pieces as it hit the porch.
With his hands in his hoodie pockets, Jack took a step forward. He added dryly, “Maybe don’t act like the sheriff of suburbia next time.”
She gazed down at the shattered mug as if it might help her understand why everything had gone so wrong.
The agent nodded slightly. “Our office will get in touch with you to discuss next steps. You are not allowed to leave the area till then. Don’t get in touch with anyone. Keep all records and documents intact.”
She gave a faint nod. Her jaw remained agape.
Without saying another word, he turned and walked back to the SUV.
I looked at her one last time. “Next time, maybe just bake the cookies and leave it at that.”
Silently, we crossed the street and headed back.
Lindsey remained silent. Her door was still slightly ajar. For the remainder of the day, her blinds remained closed. And those flawless rose bushes of which she had been so proud?
They never fully bounced back.
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