Off The Record
Our Granddaughter Says “We Are Cheap” After Opening Our Wedding Present
My spouse and I bought our niece a wedding present from her list. They called us and said we were cheap after getting the wedding gift.
She’s mad that we didn’t give her the cash gift we gave each of our grandchildren the day before their wedding, and she’s threatening to cut us off.
I’m in my 70s and am very proud of my five wonderful grandchildren, two guys and three women. My grandchildren are very important to me, and I always make time and money for them. They know they can count on me whether they are having a good or bad time.
Eloise, the youngest grandchild, got married in October of last year. My husband and I have a practice for our grandchildren. He is also in his 70s. A small gift from the wedding list is usually what we buy. The day before the wedding, we give them a check for $40,000 instead.
It’s their choice, but we hope they’ll build a house on it. Because we have a big family, we also ask them to keep it a secret. It has been followed up on so far by everyone.
Our smallest granddaughter asked for the cheapest gift, so that’s what we sent her. Eloise called us and was very angry. She said we were cheap. When I picked up the phone to talk to her, she didn’t even say hello; she just started yelling, “Really, Grandma? I got your gift now. A oven for air? That’s the least expensive thing on my list!”
I was shocked because the air fryer was the cheapest item on their register. I told her that I still thought it would be useful for them. Eloise cried out over and over, “Useful? You must be able to do better than that, right? Everyone knows that you have the cash. I can’t believe you’d treat me so badly. “That’s not cool.”
“Yes, you’re right,” I told her in a tense moment. We’re cheap, old, and not useful. You didn’t know that we were going to give you a $40,000 check the day before the wedding.
I told Eloise this to try to explain the cash gift we give our grandchildren before their wedding, but she was so mad at this point that she wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. After only getting her an air fryer, I thought it’s possible that she didn’t think we would give her such a big gift.
She finally said, “No, it’s clear.” You don’t love me enough to show it. You know how stressed out I am about the wedding. Then this? “You don’t seem to care,” she said, and then she hung up.
My husband and I were shocked by Eloise’s response, but we bought her a set of china to make her happy instead of giving her the $40,000 because we thought she hadn’t earned it.
Let’s go back to last week. Eloise’s brother told her that we were telling her the truth about the money. After checking with her cousins, she called us again and said, “I just found out that it’s true that you gave the money to everyone else when they got married.” “Why did I not get anything?”
Due to her initial reaction, we stayed firm and told her, “We felt after your reaction to the wedding gift, it wasn’t right to go ahead and gift you the money.” Eloise begged us not to punish her, saying, “So, you’re punishing me?” Is that all? Because I didn’t like an air fryer?”
It made me mad that she didn’t even know what she did wrong. “Eloise, it wasn’t about the air fryer. It was the way you talked to us, which was rude. I said, “That’s not something we expected or can support.”
Almost in tears, Eloise begged us, “But that’s so unfair! Grandma, I was stressed. It’s hard to plan a wedding, and I lost it. “I didn’t mean any of that.” I thought she should have just said sorry to us instead of making up reasons for what she did.
However, I told her, “We know it’s a tough time, but what you do and say has consequences.” “We hoped you’d know that family and love are more important than things.” Eloise added, “But you don’t understand!” she was so upset. Don’t you think we could forget about this? Grandma, I need that money.”
She begged, said she would not celebrate Christmas, and said we were ignoring her, but we wouldn’t give in. At the end, I told her, “We love you a lot.” This is not about cutting you off. We just want you to think about this and understand why we made the choice we did.
Now Eloise has kept her word and will not be celebrating Christmas. Our daughter-in-law’s mother is on her side and says we are unfair. But we think that the air fryer gift shouldn’t have made her respond this way after everything we’ve done for her.
To give you some background, we already paid for her college, and her folks paid for her graduate school and half of the wedding. Also, she and her husband don’t really need our money because they have enough money.
Also, we’re not mad that our grandchildren told her about the cash gift; she is one of the family members who is allowed to know. The reason we sent the air fryer early was because we live far away and always send gifts early.
We give money with the hope that it will be used for something important, like a house. The wedding gift is also different from the money. Now we think what we did to Eloise was the right thing to do, and we’re not going to change our minds, even if she and her mom threaten to hurt us.
Even though things have been rough and Eloise won’t see things our way, my husband and I are still sticking to our choice. For us, love and respect are the most important things, and we hoped that she would learn from this.
Since her family isn’t there, the holidays might be less busy this year, but we hope that things will get better and clear up in the future. We welcome Eloise back whenever she’s ready to make things right.
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