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Ray Came Home One Night And Fell Asleep

Off The Record

Ray Came Home One Night And Fell Asleep

After a hard day at the office, Ray crawled into bed with his wife while she slept, and promptly dozed off.

The first thing he heard as he opened his eyes in heaven was St. Peter’s eerie remark, “You died in your sleep, Ray.”


‘I’m dead?’ murmured a shocked Ray. ‘No way in hell am I! Too much is at stake for me to die now; please bring me back!’

St. Peter broke the news that your only option for returning to Earth was as a chicken.

Ray was heartbroken, but he prayed to St. Peter to be transferred to a farm in his neighborhood.

Suddenly, he was surrounded by feathers and clucking and pecking at the ground.

So, you’re the new hen, huh?’ strolled by a rooster. ‘How is your first day going thus far?’

‘Not bad,’ Ray the hen said, ‘but I have this funny feeling inside like I’m gonna explode!’

To which the rooster said, “You’re ovulating; don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?”

Never, Ray firmly proclaimed.

The rooster advises, “Well, just chill out and let it happen.” Not a big deal, really.

He did, and a few awkward seconds later, an egg sprang to the surface.

As he became a father, he was overtaken with emotion.

His happiness led him to lay another egg shortly after.

He was just ready to lay his third egg when he felt and heard something hit the back of his skull.

“Ray, wake up! You took a dump on the bed!”

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