Some people simply ooze unfathomable appeal which pulls everyone to them. People flock to such people.
The best part about this is that your looks are irrelevant here!
But let’s jump straight to the point: what are the things that makes one person instantly likable? We’ve listed 9 ways to become a well-liked attractive person, proven by Psychology:
1. Individual Image – Self Concept
Baumeister (1999) provides the following self concept definition: “The individual’s belief about himself or herself, including the person’s attributes and who and what the self is”.
If you see yourself in a positive and healthy light, your life experiences will be positive and healthy. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your life will be free of challenges and adversity, just that you will have a healthier approach to dealing with them.
To be remembered in a crowd, you must stand out. For that, you need to create a unique image – an image which isn’t easy to forget. It can be anything. The way you walk. Your gestures, posture, the way of speaking or dressing sense – it can be anything. It could be an amazing hairstyle like Marilyn Monroe’s or Salvador Dali’s facial expressions (and his mustache). It’s up to you.
2. You Need a Big Dream
“Instead of it just being a one-off collection of videos or a one-off software app that I tried to do as a venture-backed business, maybe [Khan Academy] could be the next Stanford, the next Harvard, this new type of institution that people haven’t visualized quite yet, but it could help empower millions or billions of students for the next 500 years.
And as soon as you start thinking on those scales, you go after a bigger problem and you phrase things differently and, frankly, you inspire more people. More amazing people are going to want to be part of that audacious goal.”
3. Be Confident
Confidence is alluring. People admire strong and independent people. But first, what does confidence even mean?
As Mark D. White, chair of the Department of Philosophy at the College of Staten Island/CUNY describes on Psychology Today:
“There are two ways to portray it. The first, more formal version of confidence is similar to faith: it’s based on believing something you don’t know with certainty. If you were aware that you possessed a certain quality, you wouldn’t need confidence in it—it’s only when you can’t be sure that you need confidence.
The other sense of confidence, the one that’s invoked in articles on dating and attractiveness, is more substantive. It’s an awareness of who you are, regardless of how you compare or measure up to others. It shows people that you’re comfortable with yourself, which grants you a certain poise, charm, or assertiveness. It also implies that you don’t need to compete with anyone or belittle anyone else to lift yourself up; as a result, confident people are more willing to praise others because they aren’t worried about making themselves look worse. All of this clearly accounts for the general attractiveness of confidence, if for no other reason than its general positivity.
The best kind of confidence is like a classical virtue: it strikes the “golden mean” between self-doubt and arrogance, allowing a person to embody his or her positive traits without bragging about them. (And in the spirit of wei wu wei, this may broadcast a person’s positive traits more effectively!)”
Also, a short tip: avoid using uncertain speech form such as “I guess, I hope, maybe, etc.”
4. Forget About Complaints
You can’t be charismatic with a negative streak in you. To be liked by most, you need to avoid gossip, criticizing and complaining.
As Lisa Juliano, Psy.D. writes on Psychology Today:
“For chronic complainers, each situation becomes an opportunity to find fault. Eventually, this drains life of pleasure. Chronic complaining can also affect mood by producing a negative mood state. Thus the chronic complainer falls into a perpetual cycle of finding fault, feeling negative, and then being unable to face the next situation with an open mind. Eventually, the capacity for feeling joy is compromised.”
Even during hard times, try to avoid topics that bring you down. Focus on what you already have and be grateful.
5. Use Body Gestures
Your body plays an important role to exhibit your level of confidence. Slouching, fumbling, avoiding eye contact can affect your personality negatively whereas smiling more often and keeping an open posture can improve your persona drastically.
Adoree Durayappah-Harrison, a graduate of three masters programs, including Buddhist practices from Harvard states:
“According to a recent study published in the January 2011 issue of Psychological Science, “posture expansiveness”—using one’s posture to open up the body and occupy space—activates a sense of power in the mind, making people feel and behave as if they are in charge.”
6. Become a Great Storyteller
Storytelling is a skill. If you want to learn it, you need to exude confidence.
Gregory Ciotti writes on Psychology Today:
“Philip Pullman once said: “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” Being a great storyteller is also useful as an Average Joe interacting with other people. Being able to communicate your ideas and stories in a clear and captivating way allows for better social interactions.”
7. Don’t Look Away
Eye contact is one of the surest ways to declare your undivided attention. Depending on the situation, it can be a piercing look, or a kind, understanding glance. Above everything, don’t break a conversation by checking a text or looking at something else while people talk you.
Art of Manliness, one of my favorite educational websites explains it clearly:
“Making greater eye contact with others can increase the quality of all of your face-to-face interactions; there’s no area of your life where being seen as more attractive, confident, and trustworthy wouldn’t be a boon. Being able to look people in the eye and hold their gaze can help you better network with others, land a job, pitch an idea, make a moving speech, woo the ladies, and intimidate your enemies. It can help a lawyer win over a jury, a boxer psych out his opponent, and a minister connect with his congregants. It can even aid a musician in winning over new fans; studies have shown that the more eye contact a musician makes with his audience, the more they enjoy his music—take note ye members of struggling bands!”
Next time you talk to someone and move your eyes elsewhere, think of the statement above.
8. Learn To Listen To Others
Learn to give importance to others. Everyone has their own problem and you could make a huge difference just by listening to them. It shows that you genuinely care about them. They will really appreciate it and feel special.
Take a look at this from your point of view: do you want people jumping over your phrases just to tell their opinion, thoughts and emotions, or you want someone with whom you can fully express yourself without being interrupted?
And let’s not forget, Jeff Thompson Ph.D. clearly adds another great importance of listening to others:
“According to Bernard Ferrari, author of Power Listening: Mastering the Most Critical Business Skill of All, good listening is the key to developing fresh insights and ideas that fuel success. Ferrari says that although most people focus on learning how to communicate and how to present their own views more effectively, this approach is misguided and represents missed opportunities.”
9. Use the Mirror Effect
Imitation is the highest form of flattery. It makes the other person to get along with you better. It’s easier to get in tune with people who have similar habits and style.
By mirroring their gestures, facial expressions and style, the interlocutor starts feeling comfortable. This is mostly effective because humans are by nature narcissistic. They’re bound to admire someone who is so much like themselves!
As described on Wikipedia:
“The concept often affects other individuals’ notions about the individual that is exhibiting mirroring behaviors, which can lead to the individual building rapport with others.
Mirroring can establish rapport with the individual who is being mirrored, as the similarities in nonverbal gestures allow the individual to feel more connected with the person exhibiting the mirrored behavior. As the two individuals in the situation display similar nonverbal gestures, they may believe that they share similar attitudes and ideas as well. Mirror neurons react to and cause these movements, allowing the individuals to feel a greater sense of engagement and belonging within the situation.”