Off The Record
My ‘Perfect Christian Fiancé’ Had Strict Rules For Me—Until I Caught Him Kissing Another Woman
Hazel loves a godly man and follows his rules out of love. The harder she bends, the more she breaks, until one heartbreaking moment ruins everything.
I believed I’d found someone good at 25.
He was Elias. At 27, he was calm, beautiful, and confident, making others lean in closer. extend your listening.
Our small Bible study group was held in a friend’s apartment. He was instantly noticeable. He constantly quoted scripture and pointed the room to God. He always seemed overconfident.
I imagined a future with someone for the first time in years. A life of religion, ideals, and serenity. It all felt comfortable and sturdy, like maybe I wouldn’t get hurt or disappointed this time.
Elias seemed above impulse and ego, answering to something higher.
Upon reflection, I see I ignored the unease. How his appreciation was always conditional. He talked about other women too loudly and flashily.
“You don’t want to be the kind of woman men stare at, Hazel,” he stated after a service. “You want to be the one they respect.”
It seemed wise at the time. Maybe even love.
Elias soon took me down and discussed the “guardrails of a holy courtship.” He never used the word rules, but they were a list of demands that kept me small.
He started slowly, like a present. He served me chocolate-covered shortbread and tea.
“Hazel,” continued, “I need you to take this conversation seriously.”
I nodded. I didn’t know his intent, but I wanted to see his plans for us.
“There will be no physical contact before marriage, Hazel,” stated. “Not even kissing. That kind of intimacy is reserved for your husband in private.”
“Wait, Elias… not even a kiss?”
He smiled like he’d practiced that moment a hundred times.
“It’s for your own good, sweetheart. Kissing leads to other things, and we don’t want to fall into temptation, do we? This is about protecting you, and about honoring God.”
Although I hesitated, I said nothing.
Next followed the rest.
“Your skirts should fall below the ankle. Sleeves should be down to the wrist,” remarked. “Modesty is a gift to the men around you, Hazel. It’s a sign of your respect for their struggle.”
Struggle? He appeared odd to me for a moment. Even worse, he wasn’t mad. He was quiet. That added unease.
“No tight clothing. Nothing form-fitting. As for makeup… if you must wear it, keep it minimal. A woman’s beauty shouldn’t distract from her character.”
His delay may have been to allow it all sink in or to test my reaction. I nodded slowly and uncertainly. My mouth was dry. Despite my rushing thoughts, I told myself it was okay.
This was devotion. It was discipline.
However, Elias continued.
“No close friendships with men. Emotional or personal conversations are dangerous. The devil thrives in emotional connections outside of marriage. You know that, right?”
Looking down at my hands.
“No worldly media. No movies, music, or social platforms until the Church deems it fit. The rest will corrupt your spirit.”
I started “But, Elias, I—”
A gentle hand was raised.
“Hazel, I know you think it’s harmless. But I’m trying to protect our future.”
He continued.
“When we’re married, I expect you to stay home. I’ll provide for us. Your calling will be raising our children and caring for our home.”
“What about work? I mean, I adore my job, Elias.”
His smile was faint and understanding.
“I know. But the world teaches women to chase independence instead of peace. You’ll see. This is better. This is so much better.”
“And lastly,” he said, softening, “we’ll pray together every morning and every night. That’s how a godly couple stays connected.”
I said, “Wow… that’s a lot,” laughing awkwardly.
“Hazel, this is a narrow path, and I want to lead you toward holiness. There’s nothing wrong with living life the right way, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.”
Though my chest hurt and my mind was screaming, I answered yes.
I did as instructed.
Only mascara and lip balm remained after I packed my pants and makeup. I removed my Spotify playlists and stored my favorite books. I quit watching shows that comforted me after long workdays.
I declined brunches. I skipped birthdays. Friends who didn’t “live by the Word.” no coffee.
When Elias said obedience, I believed he meant faith. I tried to think his capitulation was love claim.
I fixed my hair in a bun and buttoned up long, shapeless shirts every morning. A godly woman looked like this, I reminded myself. Even though I was fatigued, hadn’t slept well, and felt like God hadn’t heard me, I prayed with Elias twice a day on speakerphone.
Once, two weeks into our engagement, we played Bible trivia with friends. I laughed out loud when Elias mispronounced “Nebuchadnezzar” like gibberish. I couldn’t resist. The group laughed too.
Even Elias grinned briefly.
Later, in the car, his voice altered.
He said, “Hazel, that wasn’t appropriate,” “Women shouldn’t draw attention to themselves like that.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” I said hurriedly. “It was just… funny.”
“I’m not angry, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “But we’re setting an example. People look to us. You don’t want to be remembered for how loud your laugh is.”
I softly chastised myself while staring out the window the rest of the way home.
“He’s right, Hazel. This is what discipline looks like. You’re growing. Evolving. This is love.”
Two months. We hadn’t kissed once.
Elias shook his head as I gently brought it up.
“We aren’t like other couples. We’re saving ourselves completely. That’s what makes it sacred.”
I didn’t argue. I nodded and swallowed the pain.
He said, “I wasn’t always like this,” almost to himself. “I saw what unfaithfulness did to my family, and I promised I’d live differently. My father just… went too far.”
But slowly, everything felt… off. He excused himself to the corridor when his phone buzzed. If I entered too rapidly, he’d close apps or clear messages.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“It’s just ministry stuff, Hazel.”
He convinced me. To believe him. However, calm doubt settled in my breast like icy water.
One Friday night, it all fell apart.
For a private book club gathering at a friend’s place, we had tea and paperbacks. It was one of the few things I still enjoyed, and I valued those moments of normalcy like air.
After it ended early, I walked home. There was cool air and quiet streets.
I saw the community center where Elias helped on Friday nights with the lights on. Front doors were propped open. Something made me stare toward the front steps without intending to.
I saw him then.
He kissed another woman. Not a polite kiss… Not a one-time mistake.
No, it was personal. It felt familiar. Elias rested one hand on her waist and one on her cheek. She laughed gently, like they’d done this before, as she leaned toward him like it was natural.
I stopped walking.
I couldn’t process what I saw. My body cooled. My feet stuck to the sidewalk.
My fiancé, who told me kissing would dishonor God, holding hands was too tempting, and attracting attention to myself, was kissing another lady on church property like it didn’t matter.
“No way,” I said.
Squinting, I stepped forward shakily. Definitely Elias. I also recognized the woman. She was a coffee shop employee near my office. I saw her during a church. Elias said she was “too flirtatious” and advised me to avoid her.
Now she kissed him.
“You’re bad, Eli,” she told him, laughing and moving away.
He murmured, “You bring it out of me…” caressing her jawline with his thumb.
My stomach sank.
I turned and left before they noticed me. I didn’t weep. No screaming. Walking step by step, I felt like I was watching someone else’s life unravel.
Telephoned him the next morning. I didn’t practice my speech. It wasn’t necessary. After seeing what I saw, my heart was still hammering and my chest felt like wet cement.
He caught on the second ring.
“Elias,” I replied hastily, attempting to finish before giving in. “I saw you last night. I saw you kissing her outside the community center.”
A pause. A bit lengthy.
Panicked, he stumbled over “That’s not what it looked like.”
I held the phone harder.
“It’s exactly what it looked like. You made me follow all your rules. You wouldn’t even let me kiss you. And now you’re out there kissing another woman like none of it matters?”
“I… Hazel, I was lonely,” he sighed. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. You’ve been distant lately.”
My mouth dried.
“I’ve been distant?! Elias, I gave up everything for you. My friends, my job, even my voice. I did everything you asked so I could be worthy of you. And now you’re blaming me?”
He murmured, “I didn’t mean it like that.” “You’re twisting this. You’re making this ugly.”
“No, Elias!” I insisted. “I’m finally seeing it clearly. You’re not holy. You’re just a fraud.”
His voice softened, he tried again.
“I made a mistake. Doesn’t everybody? I’m only human, Hazel. Haven’t you ever —”
I cut him off before he finished. I never heard him again.
I didn’t notify the church. I didn’t need to act since fate interfered.
Some weeks later, a friend texted. Someone else spoke up. A board investigation began. Requested Elias’ resignation. Because the truth was coming out, his reputation crumbled, not because of me.
Then calls began.
“Please don’t cancel the engagement,” Elias’ mother Charlotte urged in a voicemail. “He needs you. He’s so lost without you.”
I remained silent.
She arrived at my door.
I saw red eyes and a worried face as I opened it. She clasped her hands as if unsure what to do.
“He’s my son,” she whispered. “He’s ashamed. He’s struggling. Please… don’t give up on him, Hazel. Please, my darling.”
Charlotte looked like someone who had undoubtedly been told to be silent her whole life. who probably followed unprotective rules.
Saying “I’m not giving up,” “I’m choosing myself. I won’t marry a man who makes rules he doesn’t follow. I won’t live in silence so someone else can pretend they’re righteous.”
She blinked hard and nodded. She stopped talking.
That night, I returned my engagement ring. It was briefly in my grasp before I released it.
Waves of anguish rolled in. I mourned for the self I buried to please Elias. I cried for the girl who thought obedience would get her love. Who thought shrinking would bring God closer.
It gradually grew easier.
I realized the sun wasn’t heavy one morning. I made coffee and played my deleted music without inquiry. I sung while cooking breakfast. I laughed loudly and profusely without apology.
He still speaks to me in wisdom some mornings. Learning to separate fear from faith. Relearning to trust my voice.
Then I spotted Elias at the grocery store one afternoon. In front of the apples, he looked smaller than usual. His eyes caught mine before I could look away.
“Hazel,” he whispered. “I’ve been praying that I’d run into you.”
I nodded nicely but didn’t speak.
“I’ve… I’ve been meaning to apologize. I made mistakes. Big ones. But I hope, in time, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. That’s what the Lord would want.”
“God may want forgiveness, Elias. But He also wants truth. You never offered me that, not once.”
He said something else, but I turned away.
Walking along the spice aisle, I bought dried chili flakes. I pulled hake fillets from the freezer. Then I found my favorite coconut milk can. I cooked dinner that night. Something I Want. Something I enjoyed.
Throughout the aisles, I felt the quiet contentment of a person with nothing to prove.
Matthew—the man I’m seeing—came to mind. She prays with me because we want to feel God together, not because it’s required. Someone who calls me beautiful—not because I’m modest, but because I’m living.
Matthew lets me laugh loudly. Wear what I want, watch what I want, dance in the kitchen, and express opinions without shame.
He doesn’t value my silence or sacrifice.
He just sees me. And he loves me.
I prepared hake with coconut milk and chili flakes that night. I poured wine. I lit some candles. God restored me, and I praised him.
A few weeks later, I signed up for a weekend writing workshop on my laptop. I dreamed of telling important stories… Finally, I was trying.
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