Off The Record

After Their First Date, A Woman Blocks The Man Who Paid $500+ For Dinner

Published on October 14, 2024

After the most delicious supper I’d had in years, I never thought I’d block someone, yet there I was, staring at my phone with my fingers hovering over the screen. It only took a little time and a casual remark to make things feel odd.

Not because I didn’t want to, but rather because my life had become hectic, I hadn’t gone on a formal date in a long time. The typical reasons are family, friends, and work. When things slowed down, I always promised myself that I would put myself out there more. However, the reality is that life never truly slows down.

Nevertheless, I decided it was time to break free from my routine when Hayden, a man I met at a dinner party hosted by a mutual acquaintance, asked me out.

Hayden was… endearing. There was something about him that made you feel free to be who you are. I appreciated that he didn’t make an effort to impress me.

We engaged in chats about anything from our careers to books to random childhood memories for what seemed like hours at the party. The fact that he was a teacher says a lot about him.

It takes a lot of patience, perseverance, and a sense of humor to teach middle schoolers. Hayden possessed all of that in abundance.

“I know this might be a bit forward, but… would you like to grab dinner with me sometime?” I got the impression from Hayden’s smile that he was accustomed to hearing “yes.”

Although I wasn’t the kind to respond immediately, I couldn’t help but smile and nod in agreement. “Sure, dinner sounds nice.”

Although my typical busy schedule filled the days before the date, the idea of hanging out with Hayden kept coming up in my head. I pondered whether our chemistry would be the same outside of the informal dinner party atmosphere. When the day finally arrived, I was genuinely thrilled—apprehensive, but thrilled.

I advised keeping things simple when he texted me to inquire where I wanted to go. I wasn’t the kind of woman who found expensive restaurants or elaborate dates to be impressive.

I wrote, “There’s this cozy Mexican place I love,” recalling the small downtown restaurant with consistently delicious food and a laid-back vibe.

Hayden, however, had different plans. I mentioned a fine-dining Italian restaurant without giving it much thought when he asked what my favorite restaurant was. Because it was pricey—the kind of restaurant you reserve for birthdays or major promotions—I didn’t go there very often. I didn’t think he would be serious about it.

I was shocked when he did. “Let’s go there,” he replied with a hurried text. “I’ve always wanted to try it.”

After a moment of hesitation, I agreed. Especially on a first date, I didn’t want him to believe I was attempting to pressure him into spending a fortune on supper. “Are you certain? It’s a little expensive,” I warned.

However, he persisted, claiming that he didn’t mind a little indulgence because he wanted the experience. I dismissed it, assuming he was aware of what he was getting into. After all, it was just dinner.

When Friday night finally came, I was standing in front of the mirror, looking at my image more often than I wanted to acknowledge. I chose a simple yet stylish black dress.

Since Hayden appeared like the type of person who valued grounded women, I didn’t want to give the incorrect impression, so I didn’t do anything too ostentatious. After all, I liked him, so I also wanted to look beautiful. I had no intention of acting as though I didn’t.

He was on time. He was standing there when I opened the door, looking put together but not garish in a clean shirt and black jeans. He had a nice smile that instantly made me feel comfortable.

His eyes lingered long enough to make me flush. “You look amazing, Asta,” he remarked.

“Thanks, Hayden,” I said, a little off-balance. “You look good too.”

I could tell Hayden was impressed as we sat down at our table at the restaurant, which was only a short drive away. He surveyed the room, admiring the tasteful furnishings and the gentle illumination.

His eyes were big as he looked at the menu. “This place is incredible,” he said. “I’m really glad you suggested it.”

I chuckled quietly, a little uneasy. It’s definitely one of my favorites. But I don’t visit here very often. It’s more of a venue for special occasions.

I ordered calamari, and he had truffle fries as starters. It went as smoothly as it had the night we first met. We discussed his work and his passion for teaching. He told tales of several of his pupils, evoking their peculiarities and character traits.

“I have this one kid, James,” replied Hayden, leaning closer and smiling. “I swear, even though he is twelve, he has the body of a forty-year-old guy. He always says these snarky things that surprise me. He informed me the other day that he is preparing to retire.”

I imagined the scene and laughed. I remarked, “Kids are wild,” “I’m not sure how you manage it. I think I handle enough craziness as a bartender. Managing an entire classroom full of children is beyond my capabilities.”

Hayden gave a shrug. It’s satisfying even though it’s difficult. I enjoy that they keep me on my toes.

His enthusiasm for his work was evident to me, and it was appealing. There was something about a man who was unafraid to commit himself to something worthwhile and who genuinely cared about what he accomplished.

I ordered pasta, he chose meat, and we also ordered a bottle of wine, the name of which I could not pronounce. I didn’t mind that the meal took a long time. We told stories, laughed, and it just seemed… natural. cozy.

Okay, Asta. As he sipped his wine, Hayden said, “Tell me more about you.” “How did you end up as a bartender?”

It was a lengthy story, so I hesitated for a moment—not because I was embarrassed by my work.

“Well,” I started, “It just sort of happened.” “Although I studied psychology in college, I was never particularly interested in pursuing any one job route. Ten years later, I’m still bartending, even though it was just meant to be a temporary solution until I worked everything out.”

He seemed really interested as he nodded. “You must meet some interesting people.”

“You’re clueless. After a few drinks, people become really honest.”

Hayden asked more about my life, including my family, my objectives, and my previous relationships, as the talk shifted from fun to serious. I appreciated that he appeared to be interested in my true self.

I thought the date had gone well by the time dessert arrived. I kept thinking that perhaps, just possibly, there might be something here when we ordered tiramisu.

The bill then showed up.

I felt guilty when I saw the amount, which was well over $500, even though I anticipated it would be high.

I didn’t want Hayden to feel like he had to foot the bill. I hastily answered, “We can split it,” as I grabbed my handbag. “It’s too much for one person to cover.”

I was surprised when Hayden paused. He questioned, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, let’s divide it. I’m not bothered.”

After each of us put our cards on the table, the waiter approached to collect them. She was about to reach for the cards when Hayden took mine and held it up, looking at it for an excessive amount of time.

“I’ve got this,” he grinned. “But now I finally know your last name.”

A weird shiver went down my spine as his words lingered in the air. Knowing my last name was such a trivial matter, but the way he stated it, as if he had been waiting to learn, as if it were something he had earned, didn’t set well with me.

I tried to dismiss it by forcing a laugh. “It’s no big deal.”

On the inside, though, I was nervous. I knew it was irrational.

All night long, Hayden had been kind, and now I was acting strangely because he knew my last name. Still, there was something strange about that moment.

We went outdoors after I thanked him for dinner. I said I needed to stretch my legs, so I turned down his offer to drive me home.

“Are you sure?” With a rather disheartened expression, Hayden inquired.

Yes, I will be alright. I appreciate you tonight. I had a terrific time.

He grinned. “Me too. Someday, let’s do it again.”

I returned the smile, but it was phony. “Maybe.”

I couldn’t stop mentally reliving the evening as I sat in the taxi on my way home. Hayden was not a villain. The evening had gone well—enjoyable, even, in parts—and he appeared to be a good man. However, that little incident, that fleeting violation of my privacy, continued to bother me. I had a nagging suspicion that something was wrong.

Perhaps it was his demand for payment. Perhaps it was the fact that he had picked such a lavish location even though I had suggested something more straightforward.

That sneer at seeing my last name, perhaps. Everything seemed like a test, as though he was trying to see if I would volunteer to divide the cost or if I would let him pay the $500 check so he could call me a “gold digger.”

In any case, I wasn’t comfortable with it. I blocked him as soon as I came home. No justification. No farewell. Simply gone.

A few of my pals felt that I was exaggerating. “Asta, he paid for a dinner that cost over $500! “I think he was just playing around,” one of them remarked.

However, the money wasn’t the main factor. It was about boundaries: how Hayden had broken one without even recognizing it at that precise time. Even though he might not have meant any harm, it nevertheless made me feel that way.

I don’t regret anything in retrospect. Even when people believe I’m overreacting, I’ve learned to trust my gut and defend myself. Really, it had nothing to do with Hayden. It was all about me, my comfort, and my authority to establish boundaries.