Off The Record
My Spouse Abandoned Me And The Children Due To His Father’s Belief That “Cooking Is The Responsibility Of Women” – Both Of Them Learned Their Lesson
A typical evening became a conflict over antiquated gender norms. It got so bad that I had to skip dinner with my kids. The views of my husband and father-in-law did not align with the dynamics of our contemporary family, but they were about to learn a valuable lesson.
Marcus, my spouse, is the eldest of two children and hails from a very conventional family. His dad was the only provider, and his mother stays at home with the kids.
Our family, however, is the total opposite. Rather, we split the household chores and work together. It just ruins my father-in-law’s life. He hates that my spouse helps out around the house and that I work.
My connection with my in-laws was erratic until they moved in with us. Despite being quiet and restrained, my mother-in-law showed me kindness.
Although she never publicly questioned our way of life, her silence was quite telling. She consistently submitted to her husband’s inflexible views and appeared afraid to express any opinions.
However, my father-in-law told a different tale. He never shied away from criticizing our contemporary way of living. He used to make crude comments about how a woman’s place was at home, not in the workforce, at family get-togethers.
He didn’t hesitate to voice his opinions, believing that a guy should be the breadwinner and head of the home. For my husband’s sake, I made an effort to keep a polite relationship with him in spite of his harsh opinions.
Over the years, we’ve had a number of intense arguments, but I’ve always been able to maintain my cool and assert my position. I thought that the only way to maintain harmony was to accept one another’s differences.
I thus anticipated difficulties when my in-laws chose to spend two weeks with us. Our daily schedule was effective for us. My spouse prepared dinner, I made breakfast, and we all went out to lunch.
It was a method that maintained order in our home and helped us to balance our responsibilities. I was starving and fatigued when I got home from work yesterday. I gave a brief hello to everyone before taking a shower before dinner.
I kind of anticipated dinner to be ready when I descended again. But nothing was present. When I asked my husband when we were having supper, he refused to even look at me. The kids kept asking.
His father then spoke, saying, “Sarah, your husband did not prepare any food. As a normal woman, you must cease being lazy and fulfill your responsibilities as a wife and cook for your family.”
My spouse simply sat there, nodding and avoiding eye contact while I was utterly silent. I noticed red. A lesson both of them needed to learn.
“Really?” I began, an angry tremble in my voice. “So, I should just come home after a full day of work and start cooking because that’s my duty?”
“My in-law scoffed at that. You’re correct, Sarah. Kitchens are where women belong.”
My mother-in-law remained silent, fearful to speak to her spouse.
I looked across at my husband. “And you agree with this?”
It wouldn’t hurt if you took better care of the house and the children, he said. “Customs are customs.”
“Tradition?” I fired back. According to tradition, a man cannot support a family of five on $35,000 per year. “It’s too poor for you to be that sexist.” His eyes began to flood up with tears, but I wasn’t done yet.
I turned to face his dad and yelled, ‘And you! When was the last time you went out to dinner with your spouse? Even so, how much does it cost to maintain this household?
“Allow me to educate you. That vehicle you possess, the one you’re so pleased with? Since my income is more than your son’s, I paid for it. I was requested to cover it by him.”
My father-in-law’s expression became scarlet. “That’s not true,” he stumbled to his words.
“It is accurate,” I answered. “It’s only fair that I use this month’s payment to take your wife and my kids out to dinner since my hard-earned money went toward that car. Watch how you and your kid, like true men, handle the automobile payment.”
I went to a good restaurant with my mother-in-law and the kids without waiting for an answer. They merited some time off. After a delicious dinner, my mother-in-law started to feel better and kept saying thank you.
I knew the men would have to confront the truth about their antiquated ideas once I got home. They have to learn that strong families are based on cooperation and respect.
There was a palpable tension in the air the following morning. During breakfast, my husband and his father were remarkably silent. At last, my spouse broke the ice.
His voice hardly raised above a whisper, “I’m sorry for what happened,” he muttered. “I now see how deeply I wounded you. I allowed my father’s antiquated opinions to affect me.”
Despite appearing uneasy, his father, who was seated next to him, also spoke up. “I had no idea how drastically the times had changed. I apologize as well. I’ve always had a particular perspective on things, but I now realize that’s incorrect.”
Sitting calmly, my mother-in-law gave a nod of assent. Although I was grateful for their apology, deeds speak louder than words. I was in need of a shift.
In the days that followed, both men clearly tried to be more attentive and polite. It was evident that his father was uncomfortable at first, but he assisted where he could, and my husband returned to his tasks without complaint.
One night, when the four of us were cooking dinner, my father-in-law came up to me. He said, “I want to thank you.” “You made me realize something. I now see how important cooperation and respect are. I’ll strive to perform better.”
His genuineness moved me. “I appreciate your understanding,” I answered. “It’s not about being right or wrong, but about supporting each other.”
The mood in our house drastically improved after that. To make sure that everyone felt appreciated and respected, my husband and his father collaborated. Now that she felt more confident, my mother-in-law began to voice her demands and opinions more.
It was more than just a lesson, in the end. It was about letting go of antiquated customs that no longer benefited us and developing as a family. Despite the difficulties along the way, our trip strengthened and bonded us together.
In Sarah’s tale, she had the guts to confront her father-in-law. However, Carmen feels bad about doing the same thing in the next one. She doubts if it was the correct decision to teach her in-laws a lesson.
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