Off The Record
I Sent My Son Letters Every Day From A Nursing Home, But I Never Heard Back Until Someone Else Came To Pick Me Up
I used to write my son a letter every day to let him know how much I missed him after he persuaded me to go into a nursing home. He never responded to any of them until a stranger arrived to take me home one day and told me why.
I was diagnosed with osteoporosis when I was 81, which made it difficult for me to move around on my own. My son Tyler and his wife Macy chose to put me in a nursing home since I was too sick for them to care for.
“We can’t be tending to you the entire day, mom,” Tyler told me. “We have work to do. We’re not caregivers.”
I usually tried to avoid getting in the way of them so I wouldn’t interfere with their daily routines, so I puzzled why he felt that way about me all of a sudden. Every time I needed to move across the house, I would stay in my room and utilize my walker as assistance.
“I swear, I’ll keep out of your way. Just please don’t put me in a nursing home. I asked to stay here for the rest of my life because your father built this house for me.”
Tyler dismissed me by saying that the house my late spouse, James, built was “too big for me.”
“Mom, come on,” he urged. “Let Macy and I take care of the house! We can have separate offices and a gym with all this room. There’s lots of space for remodeling.”
At this point, I realized that his intention to place me in a nursing facility was not to provide me with the care I needed, but rather to take possession of my house for himself. I was hurting so bad that I was fighting back tears when I realized Tyler had become a self-centered man.
“Where did I go wrong?” When I got in my room that night, I asked myself. It appears that I was mistaken to believe that I had reared a gentlemanly man. I never thought my son would betray me.
Without giving me much of a choice, Tyler and Macy took me to a nursing home nearby, where they said I’d get round-the-clock care from the nurses. “Don’t worry, mom, we’ll visit as much as we can,” Tyler assured me.
After hearing this, I came to the realization that, since they would still visit me, perhaps going to a nursing home wouldn’t be all that horrible. I had no idea that Tyler was just telling lies to get rid of me.
At the nursing home, each day seemed to last forever. I still yearned to be with family and not in a place full of strangers, even if the nurses and other patients were pleasant to chat with.
I used to write letters to Tyler every day, asking him to come see me or how they were doing, as I didn’t have a phone or iPad. I never received a visit or an answer.
I gave up hope of anyone visiting after two years in the assisted living facility. I used to beg every night, “Please, take me home,” but after two years, I attempted to talk myself out of having high expectations.
But I was shocked to learn from my nurse one day that a man in his forties was standing at the counter, searching for me. “Did my son finally come to visit?” I said, hastily grabbing my walker and heading to the front.
I was so excited to meet him when I arrived, assuming it would be Tyler, but to my surprise, it was a different man I hadn’t seen in a long time. He yelled out, “Mom!” and embraced me tightly.
“Ron? Ron, is that you?” I questioned him.
“It’s me, mom. How have you been? I’m sorry it took me so long to visit you. I just arrived back from Europe, and I went straight to your house,” he said.
“My house? Did you see Tyler and Macy there? They put me in this nursing home a couple of years ago, and I haven’t seen them since,” I revealed.
Ron gave me a somber expression and motioned for me to take a seat. As we took a seat facing one another on the couch, he started to tell me everything that had transpired during the two years I had been living at the assisted living facility.
“Mom, I’m sorry you have to hear this from me. I thought you already knew,” he started to say. “Tyler and Macy died in a house fire last year… I only found out when I went to your house and saw it abandoned. I decided to check the mailbox to see if I could get information on where to find you, and I saw all your unread letters,” he explained.
Ron was telling me things that I couldn’t believe. Even though I held grudges against my son for what he did to me, learning of his passing still made me sad. I wept all day, lamenting his passing and the loss of my daughter-in-law, Macy.
Ron stayed by my side the entire time I was crying. He comforted me and remained by my side until I was ready to talk again.
I used to take a boy named Ron into my house. He was best friends with Tyler since they were little and completely devoted to each other.
Ron was raised by his grandmother after his parents went away and lived in poverty, in contrast to Tyler, who had everything he could ever want. I fed him, dressed him, and raised him as if he were my own son, forcing him to remain with us until he went away to attend college in Europe.
Ron didn’t come back to the US after landing a well-paying job in Europe, and we eventually lost contact. It wasn’t until he appeared at the nursing home that I imagined I might see him again.
“Mom,” he said after I finally calmed down. “I don’t believe you belong here in this nursing home. Will you please allow me to take you home? I would love to take care of you,” he said.
Again, I couldn’t help but cry. My own son drove me out of my own home, and I found a man who wanted to take me in despite the fact that we were not blood relatives. “Would you really do that for me?”
“Obviously, mother. It’s not even necessary for you to inquire. You helped shape who I am now. “I’m nothing without you,” Ron hugged me.
Ron assisted Jude in packing that evening and showed her around his newly acquired house. Jude learned there that he had a large family, who gave Jude a warm welcome. She spent her final year in a happy environment with people who genuinely cared about her.
What lessons may we draw from this tale?
Remember the things your elders have done for you and treat them with respect. Despite everything his mother had done for him, Tyler never expressed gratitude to her. He decided to put her in a nursing home because he didn’t want to be responsible for her care as she grew older.
Not all families are made of blood. Years passed before Ron saw Jude again, but he never forgot the generosity she had shown him in his youth. In the end, he chose to take her in and take care of her for the remainder of her life as a way of returning her compassion.
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