Off The Record
14 “White” Lies We Have All Said At Least Once
I’m nobody’s Moral Police. I’m not here to tell you what is right and wrong. We only live once, and we’re here for a good time. Not necessarily an ethical time, but a good one, all the same.
Innocent ‘lies’ are ones we tell because we don’t wish to murder somebody’s expectations, or just vomit the ugly truth. Reality is similar to that distant aunt who only visits when inconvenient, and almost never brings presents.
None of us are saints, and we have all lied through our throat whenever we have needed to. So, since we are all buying a boogie to hell, let us gloss over the common ones:
1. The Vehicle Was Delayed
Yeah, sure it was. The buses, trams, boats, et all, only postpone and kill their schedule on the days that you are trying to arrive. I feel bad for all the hard-working bus drivers I have angrily degraded in front of my colleagues, only to save my face. Thankfully, they will never know.
2. I Am 100% Sober
Most of the times, we don’t even remember saying this. That says a lot about the authenticity of our claim. It is a universal rule that the more drunk you get, the more you try convincing your partners that you aren’t.
3. MS Office Is My Jam
No, it’s not. It is hardly as easy as it looks. But most internships and jobs need you to have a proper knowledge of MS Excel Sheets. We lie through our teeth and then binge-watch Excel tutorials for 14 nights in a row.
4. Oh, The Taste Is Wonderful
You would throw up at the first chance you got. It is so difficult looking up at an expectant face and say, “You cannot cook”. What about all the effort they put in? Nope.
5. Yeah, He/She Is Brilliant
Sometimes, we say this just to get our friend to stop talking about their new crush. They could be the most horrible person on the face of the Earth. But as long as they aren’t a serial killer, we aren’t breaking his/her heart by speaking the truth.
6. It’s Okay
It’s clearly not. If you destroy the vase I spend years trying to find, my initial instinct is to kill you. But I can’t, because I am nice. We say ‘it’s okay’ way too often for it to be a solid signal of okay-ness anymore.
7. Oh, I’m Busy With Work On Those Days
You’re actually in your pajamas, watching Netflix and eating popcorn. We use the excuse of ‘targets’, ‘sales’, ‘filing’, ‘deadlines’, ‘assignments’, and some more serious words, in order to get out of social commitments.
8. I Did Not Check My Phone
If I had a dollar for each time I said this, then I would be rich enough to buy myself the White House. The standard response to unanswered texts or calls is that our phone was not near us. The sad part is, I once used this excuse on a 7-week old message.
Related article: 7 Phrases People Commonly Use when they’re Lying
9. I Am So Over My Ex
Can you hear all those people laughing? Yeah? That is just your conscious calling out your bluff. Some people take 4 marriages to get over one ex. And, here we are, downing 4 mugs of beer and saying we’re ready to move on.
10. I’m Excited For You
No, you are not. You’re either extremely jealous of his/her wonderful opportunity, or are refusing to tell her that she is stepping into the jaws of a lion. Either way, we take the nice way, not the high way.
11. I Am Not Into Them
Who are you kidding, child? Have you seen your cheeks flush when their name is mentioned? We literally try to lie our hearts out of the infatuation. It doesn’t work, kid. It never, ever works.
12. You Look Gorgeous
Sometimes, when men say it, they don’t even look up. Like, I could literally be wearing a shiny suit from outer space, and my boyfriend would say, “Yeah, that’s a beautiful gown”, while tapping away on his console. We have all been through this one, from both ends.
13. I Have No Clue About What You’re Hinting At
You have all the clues. We all try guarding secrets with our entire force. We may have slipped out some details mistakenly, but we take it right back, and claim never to have mentioned it in the first place.
14. Let Us Catch Up
This one is the funniest. Adult life is all about promising to make plans, then meeting a year later, and promising to make plans, so forth. This is an endless loop. Adults are super lazy, and very easily bored, for the most part.
Image was originally taken by Anubis/Sketchport
