In the beginning of every relationship, the couple will do their best to look perfect in front of each other. But this won’t last forever and soon enough disagreements will come up and each will try to assert their individuality.
Surviving this is the true test of their love. Moreover, arguing can actually be good for the relationship.
According to Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, arguing won’t be an issue if it is done right. He has given a list of pointers that will help couples focus their arguments:
1. Stop insisting that you are correct
2. Start talking as soon as you realize that you’re angry
3. Pay attention to what the other person is saying
4. Don’t deviate from the actual problem
5. Think before speaking
Do partners who have a lot of arguments have a stronger relationship than others?
Having arguments doesn’t really mean that there is a problem in the relationship. It shows that both of them retain their individuality and are able to develop perspectives independent of each other. They have their own ideas and are willing to discuss them with each other.
When there are no arguments, people tend to bottle up their emotions. This only leads to more frustration. It can also mean that they are not really invested in the relationship. Here are some of the things you should be asking if there are no arguments in your relationship:
Are you really invested if you can’t share your thoughts? Do you think you will cross a line? Are you not presenting your actual personality? Are you scared about sharing your own thoughts?
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According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, arguments are essential to maintain a relationship. Speaking from her experience to Psychology Today, she said that there is something not quite right whenever two people in a relationship tell her that they don’t argue. Having an argument and having a fight is not the same thing. The couple can each put forward their thoughts without shouting at each other or being mean. Compromises are fine. It will help each of them see what they can’t compromise on and put their relationship in the right perspective.
After the ‘honeymoon phase’ wears off, there will be obstacles in the relationship. When both parties begin to feel more secure with each other, they start pouring more of their individuality into the relationship by offering their own thoughts, working on their own careers, etc. An argument can just be an expression of the true needs of a couple. If it is done right, it is not a fight. In a good relationship, both people will be ready to listen and have respectful discussions.
Once you reach that point, you’ll understand when you have to let go of something. You’ll figure out what is actually worth the argument and what is not. Not talking about your issues doesn’t help bring about the trust that is required in all relationships. Martyring oneself will only build up resentment and frustration. Where there is real trust and love, the couple will be able to have an argument without needing anger to fuel it.
Arguments can also increase the passion in the relationship. Quite a few couples love the intense make-up sex they have when they wind up a passionate argument. They become more hormonal and their blood pressure rises.
Dr. Pam Spurr stated that a couple who bickers with each other do it because they care for each other. They wish that their partner will treat them properly. It decreases stress and calms down both parties.
The Best 3 Books about Love and Relationship You Must Read:
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
- Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex