Falling in love is much like a mental disease to be honest. It will wrench you out of your comfort zone and make you revel in a momentary vulnerability.
Sounds like Stockholm syndrome doesn’t it?
But like Woody Allen said: We all do it for the eggs.
And sometimes, just sometimes, the “eggs” are worth it; the person you were looking for is better than the treasure you hoped for at the end of the cave.
We let down our guards and allow those we love to see the real us – naked and vulnerable. This is where the fun part comes: giving yourself up too soon will likely ruin what you have. The very same can be said for giving into love too late. There is a narrow slot between, much like the astronomical ‘Goldilocks Zone’; Just right.
This list might help you figure out if you (two) are there or not:
1. You have known each other for quite some time now
To be safe let’s say it’s been a year. You two regularly talk, meet and there is a sense of trust and a fair amount of confiding going on, mutually.
Also, being brutally honest, you have sexual chemistry. Because let’s face it, intimacy is a big part of love and healthy sex is what makes intimacy beautiful.
2. As far as your knowledge goes, this person has never lied to you
Leaving behind a few white lies and things one say to keep you from harm/soften the blow, this one has never lied to you.
This is rare and a very telling sign.
Being lied to is the last thing you need in a relationship. Sometimes being lied to is too much to forgive.
But this person will be truthful to you.
3. This person doesn’t require chasing after: You two are there, found
This person is okay with whatever attention you can provide. And it is also the same the other way round. You two know the other is there when you need them.
4. When he/she says, “I am not going anywhere”, you believe them
There is trust enough between you two for you to believe this assurance despite having heard the same from a lot of your old partners and being betrayed nevertheless.
Before people say “I love you” they tend to ease in with an “I’m not going anywhere” remark, or its equivalent, strategically fitted as a witty and romantic response. If this person doesn’t plan on running off and is falling for you, he or she is likely to start by making you feel safe.
This person wants you to trust in him or her because this person wants to be able to one day, in the near future, exchange those words. If this person has already told you that he or she loves you, hearing “I’m not going anywhere” from time to time is still a nice reminder that you made the right decision.
5. This person has always treated you well and respected you
Very important. No exceptions.
6. This person has been there
They have been your shield and staff, the rock you fall back on when you have lost the battle.
They make you ready for the battles to come and ask nothing of you. You feel safe and powerful at the same time to pursue the things that got your blood running, because you know when the pieces doesn’t fit in the puzzle, you will have someone to be there for you.
7. They are ready to make exceptions for you
Even if it inconveniences them a bit or a lot, they will walk the extra mile to see you smile. They will cancer everything to be there for you.
Because you matter.
8. This person can be trusted
This is a rare quality. But if it’s there, it’s there.
Besides love comes later; trust is the first and foremost in any relationship: romantic or platonic or even friendships.
9. You are ready
Most important and most often overlooked: You are ready to let someone in. Finally, all those months of coping with heartache and picking up the pieces of your heart has paid off and you know it. You know you deserve this happiness that’s been waiting for you.