Have you lately asked your ex on a casual outing?
If yes, then this may not be good news for you!
In the recent past, many social science researchers have developed an interest in romantic relationships. They are studying the pattern of return in exes and the definition of friendship in such cases. According to a topical study conducted by Lisa Welling and Justin Mogilski, professors of psychology, University of Oakland, the above may be the traits of a person with a dark personality. Normally, people who are exploitative and manipulative continue to befriend their exes. There are mainly two reasons for this—sexual and pragmatic. For people who are seeking these benefits from their exes often return to them for more.
To undertake this study, the two psychologists took a sample of 350 people who remained friends with their past lovers. Based on those answers they broadly classified 150 factors. These were further clubbed into categories like pragmatic and/or sexual reasons, sentiments and reliance on each other, romance, or children.
Some of the causes for return were recurrent among people. For instance, “My partner is a good listener” falls under sentimental category. This is a very common reason for people to return to their ex. But more common reasons are, “I need his/her money” and “He/she fulfills my sexual needs” which fall under pragmatic and sexual categories.
Later, two more tests were performed that required them to:
1. Rate the 150 reasons (already given) to stay in contact with their exes.
2. Answer questions that will reveal dark personality in them and tell their level of honesty and modesty.
Interesting results were revealed after both the tests. Those with a dark personality befriended their ex-partner for pragmatic reasons. These were need-based personalities that gauge everything with practical sense. While others with low humility and honesty had high sexual needs. These are the personality types who consider their sexual desires above true friendship.
The study thus concluded 5 motives for ex-partners to stay in touch:
1. The Benefits Are Too Many
Many people have an exploitative behavior towards their exes. It could range from monetary reasons to simply continuous and undivided attention. Many people use manipulative means to withdraw money from their ex by means of friendship. These are usually pragmatic needs that they wish to fulfill.
2. Control And Power Attracts Them
The study categorized people with narcissism and dark personality traits as dominating and controlling. They enjoy the presence of a submissive partner. Also it usually happens when their last relationship left them without any power and they want to regain it. Going back to their ex and dominating them gives them a sense of power. This way they can reclaim their position in the relationship as the one who governs.
3. They Don’t Want Their Ex To Move-On
Many people are quick to move-on after their break-up. However, there are many who do not wish their ex to discover love again. This isn’t the best sign of friendship.
In such cases, they sabotage their ex-partner’s possibility of starting a fresh relationship. They continue to withdraw emotional attention from their ex, thus preventing them from moving ahead in life.
4. They Want To Exploit Their Ex’s Generosity
A common cause among people who stay in contact with their ex is to enjoy their kindness. Many people like to exploit the generosity of their exes. They do not let the innocent soul move ahead in life. In the name of friendship, they abuse the power of it. Love and compassion becomes the reason why they want to use their ex.
5. Revenge Is The Motive
Revenge gives best sadistic pleasure in a comeback. Usually those partners who have had their heart broken intend to return and seek revenge from their ex. Many people go back to their ex through means of friendship but the intention isn’t as pure. They use friendly means to mask their motive of revenge. The idea is to turn the tables over in the end. They want to be Karma personified.